Friday, October 30, 2009

"The Best of Earl" (4)

"How The Jews Lost The Lead - Part Two"


A. Buck Short said...

First of all, still being of the Jewish persuasion -- at least from the waist down – I want to express all of our appreciation for the long suppressed history lesson, and to offer this additional anecdote on the supremacy of pork in all of this:

A congregationalist from Temple Beth Torah – which is to Temple Aleph Torah what the Second National Bank is to the First National Bank – stumbles upon a luau on the island of Oahu (which is the Hawaiian take on the Jewish exclamation “Hoo-hah!”). As is commonly known, Hawaii was first settled by members of the Hebraic persuasion, as evidenced by the fact that the island’s correct, pronunciation is “Havaii.” Just ask anyone. The Jews were attracted to the location by the original designation of the place in all the brochures as the Sandwich Islands, at a time when nobody could get a decent corned beef on rye anywhere west of Pinsk.

At the other end of the luau – which is pretty much like a Passover Seder, except with treif – the man spots his own rabbi from Beth Torah about to dig into a sizzling roast suckling pig with an apple in its mouth spread out on a huge platter in front of him. Aghast, the congregation member exclaims, “Rabbi, I can hardly believe my eyes! How can you possibly sit there about to eat a pig?”

Caught literally in flagrante deporkto, the rabbi defends himself, “What pig? I ordered an apple. Look how they soived it!”

And if I may be so bold as to offer a minor qualification, the Christians counted a dozen followers to be a lot -- especially in light of the fact that their Jewish counterparts considered groups of only ten to involve minions.

Incidentally, in response to an earlier post, I can see why your dad would be partial to Anna’s thesia. Of all the thesias available for one’s consideration, I too have always elected to go with the tried and true. The name alone yield’s enormous benefits to the immune system, as evidenced by the fact that the youngest daughter of Tsar Nicholas II may have actually survived the Bolshevik execution of her family, eventually winding up as a licensed realtor in Van Nuys.

I am so glad Earl is doing well; and, in his absence, delighted to have been able to clear all of this up. Did anybody promise the man the traditional ice cream upon recovery? What an over achiever. Robot or no, personally these days most of us consider it rather formidable to even just go and get something pierced.

MikeThe Blogger said...

Interesting - I guess I'll be on topic. ...I just spent the day at Toronto's Royal Ontario Museum visiting the presentation of The Dead Sea Scrolls.. If the writers of the scrolls had known that three or four thousand years later Jews would be reciting word-for-word the same prayers as they had written "deyanu". If they knew that 3000 years later Jews would have reclaimed the land they were driven from "deyanu". If they had known the awe we experience in seeing their work and reading their history "deyanu". It was an inspiring and beautifully presented informative display.