"Another Miracle On Ice"

We were driving home after a screening of a fine sports story, Ford v Ferrari which I was going to talk about, when I heard a sports story on National Public Radio and decided to talk about that one instead.

Yes, it’s a hockey story – and hockey’s my hometown – but never mind that.

This is a wonderful story.

And here we go.

John Scott.  Six-foot-eight, two-hundred-and-sixty pounds.  Not smooth.  Not skillful.  His college coach advises, “You want to make it in hockey?  Do what you’re built for.”

What John Scott is built for is being a “Goon.”

Note:  In hockey, a “Goon” is a player whose only duty is to protect his team’s stars by punching whoever’s threatening them in the face.  This is not legal, and the brawler invariably gets penalized.  But that’s what he’s there for – not as a great player, on even a good one, but as a pulverizing “Enforcer.”

Widely indulging his goonish proclivities, John Scott is promoted to the National League, where he can hurt people at the highest level of hockey.

Writer’s Note (as distinguished from plain “Note”):  The intimidating “Goon Factor” was recently phased out of NHL hockey, which is good.  I hated fighting in hockey, finding it embarrassing to my country.

Moving on with the story…

The time comes for the annual NHL All-Star Game.  Marketing “meaningfully involved”, the league lets the fans pick the participants.

Now…

As a “goof” or angry protest against the hockey “Establishment” – either or both – an Internet campaign is set up to vote ungifted and brutish John Scott onto the All-Star team.  Lo and longtime buddy behold, likeminded “weirdos” join the crusade, and, in the end, laughable long-shot John Scott winds up receiving more All-Star votes than any player in the league.

(Feel free to see political analogies.  Noting also the line from Fiorello! that says, “People can do what they want to but I got a feeling it ain’t democratic.”)

So there you have it.  “Bad Boy” John Scott will “Captain” the Pacific Division in the NHL’s showcase extravaganza. 

“No-o-o-o-o-o-o!”  (Heard from the League Office through the window, even though it is hermetically sealed.)

Shortly thereafter, Scott gets an “informal” call from an NHL executive, trying to convince him not to show up.  Scott replies,

“I think I’ll go.”

Next thing he knows, John Scott has been traded from Arizona to Montreal, Montreal, promptly demoting him to their minor league affiliate in Newfoundland.  (About as far from Arizona as you can get.  Oh, and John’s wife’s pregnant with twins.)

(Feel free to suspect “backstage shenanigans” in this humiliating arrangement.)  

Having no choice, John Scott accepts his banishment to Newfoundland, where he toils in oblivion, so bitterly angry he says “F –– k the All-Star Game, I won’t go!” until his pregnant wife persuades him he should.

The League Office feverishly pores over the Rule Book.  “Can a player not currently in the league play in an NHL All-Star Game?”  Turns out, there is no rule concerning that matter.

Unable to be kept away, John Scott plays where he was selected to perform. 

Lumbering John Scott, joining the greatest players in the game.

What happens?

John Scott scores two goals.

And the crowd goes wild!

When the contest is over, via texting or “hashtagging”, fans gets to select the game’s “Most Valuable Player.”  Offered three names that do not include John Scott, the fans righteously revolt. 

You guessed it. 

John Scott is chosen “Most Valuable Player” of the 2016 NHL All-Star Game.

In celebration, Scott’s teammates hoist John Scott “Rudy”-style onto their shoulders, though not as long ‘cause he weighs two hundred and sixty pounds.  (And Rudy weighed less.)

Early the next morning, John Scott and his wife – who will give birth in four days – board a plane back to Newfoundland.

Shortly thereafter, the hockey “Higher Ups” create “The John Scott Rule”, banning anyone not currently in the league from playing in an NHL All-Star Game.

(Feel free to suspect corporate spite.)

And that’s it.

Hey, no complaints. 

Ford v Ferrari was good.

The story I heard on the radio?

Better.