Tuesday, May 27, 2008

"Notable Quotables Two"

I’m out of town, and I don’t know how to post from anywhere else. So I’m leaving you some quotes I’ve collected over the years. I did a few on Friday. These are the other ones.

This one, I was related to me by a good writer named Lisa.

A middle-aged couple is sitting at a table in a Chinese restaurant, not speaking. Finally, the wife breaks the deadly silence and says,

“It’s not the egg rolls, Harry. It’s the last twelve years.”

Ready for some Cockney crudeness? I overheard this in a London pub.

Two young Cockney-type working men were discussing their techniques with women. One listens his mate for a while and then says:

“Some blokes think the best way to have their way with a Bird (girl) is to chat them up, be all polite like, ask them questions, listen to their problems.

“Me? I use me ‘ands.”

This one I overheard before a screening of a movie at the Writers’ Guild. One woman confided to another:

“I don’t need a therapist. I need a therapist’s therapist.”

Writers. Always reaching for the high concept.

I had an acting teacher in England. He was an American and he taught the “Method.” My teacher had one line in Doctor Strangelove, which he delivered quite skillfully. Watch the movie. The guy with only one line, that’s him.

Sometimes, while performing a scene in class, I’d get an unexpected laugh, and instead of remaining in character, I’d break up too. That’s a mistake. Good actors don’t do that. To rectify such a problem, our acting teacher would always remind us to

“Love the art in yourself, not yourself in the art.”

Too bad that wasn’t his line in Dr. Strangelove. It would have been more memorable.

This story was related to me by the manager of a Trading Post when I was visiting “cottage country” in Northern Ontario, Canada.

Back in the 90’s, a woman who had come in the Trading Post to buy an ice cream cone for her husband, found herself standing in line behind a tall, attractive man who looked extremely familiar. The man finished his business, and headed towards the Men’s Room. The woman stepped up and ordered the ice cream.

“Was that Tom Selleck?” she asked the girl behind the counter.

“I don’t know,” replied the girl.

The woman returned to her husband, waiting outside in the car.

“Where’s my ice cream?” inquired her husband.

The woman, clearly discombobulated, had no idea. She went back in the store.

“Did you give me the ice cream?” she asked the girl behind the counter.

“I did,” replied the girl.

“Well, what happened to it?” asked the woman, now totally confused.

The attractive man, having exited the Men’s Room, had overheard this conversation. As he passed, he turned to the woman and said,

“I have two things to tell you. One: I am Tom Selleck. And two: You put the ice cream in your purse.”
As I mentioned on Friday, if you have any memorable quotes – overheard or otherwise – feel free to pass them along. I’ll be back tomorrow with whatever it is I do.



Anonymous said...

I'd like to know what your wife said to you when you told her you had to post another blog entry...seriously.

Jon88 said...

Tom Selleck story: The words "too good to be true" fairly leap to mind.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed all the stories/quotes, but that Tom Selleck one was great. Thanks for sharing!