“‘People are different?” Alert the media!”
“‘‘If Mr. Pomerantz has not gone viral before…’”
Don’t spare my feelings. What do you really think?
“My honest reaction to ‘People are different’? ‘Duh!’”
But it’s an interesting subject, don’t you think?
“We’re gonna get back to you on that.”
“After we’ve read it!”
Fair enough. I suppose. (My “Inner Critical Voice” is just killing me.)
“We read the brackets.”
There is no hiding from your “Inner Critical Voice.”
“Don’t even bother.”
Not long ago, in a post entitled “Thinking and Falling”, I mentioned that, while thinking on the way home from my Thursday morning walking excursion to Groundwork coffee emporium, I tripped and fell, spilling my recently purchased coffee onto the uneven sidewalk that led me to trip and fall in the first place.
UNEVEN SIDEWALK: “We cause damage and we get coffee! Hee hee!” (He observed, Spike Milliganly.)
In response to what he labeled my “debacle du jour”, a commenter named Nathan wrote, in part:
“I do hope you went back and got more of that overpriced coffee, as I’m sure they’d have comp’d you another cup.”
Taking Nathan’s comment at face value – rather than “sarcastic”, which today, you never know – got me thinking. (Although wisely on this occasion, not while walking.)
For the purpose of clarity, I shall break my imagined “debacle du jour” follow-up into two issues:
Did I think, after raising myself off the unyielding pavement, of returning to Groundwork and procuring some replacement coffee?
For a blinking of a moment. While simultaneously experiencing – aside from pain – feelings of humiliation, shame, pedal ineptitude and protocolical discomfort.
I saw myself going back to the emporium, standing patiently in line - because there is no specially assigned area for “Coffee-spilling misfortunes” – and when I got to the front of it, reporting,
“I know I was just in here, but I fell klutzily on the sidewalk, and I was wondering if I could have another cup of coffee.”
If they wanted to, the “barrista” – or “barristo”, I no longer recall which – might have generously replied,
“I am sorry you took a tumble. The ‘replacement’s’ on us. Now would you like one of our employees to walk you home, ‘Mr. Helplessly Pathetic Senior Citizen’?”
What I am getting to, barring the slathering exaggeration, is that,
They could have offered to replace my spilled coffee. But I would have adamantly refused.
“Why should my clumsiness and cost your company money?”
I would also, however – not that commenter Nathan included this alterative, I’m just rounding out the scenario – never have suggested – much less insisted – that they replace my spilled coffee, our Constitution, as you may know, including no mention whatsoever of “Faller’s Rights.”
On the other hand, putting myself back in the moment…
I want coffee.
Perceiving no reasonable connection between falling and not getting any. Though I could imagine a “Celestial Arbitrator” reaching a more dispassionate conclusion:
“You alone were responsible for falling down. Thus ruleth the ‘Celestial Arbitrator’: (WITH‘No-ACCOMPANYING “BURNING BUSH-ICAL” REVERBERATION): "No-ooo coffee-e-eee.’”
No wonder I am a non-believer. A coffee-depriving Diety?
“No-o-ooo, thank you-u-uuu.”
Two blocks down the road, at a diner open for breakfast called Flakes, I hobbled gingerly inside and bought another cup of coffee.
And felt not at all guilty for doing so.
Return to Groundwork? Impossible. I could never handle the pity. But self-impose an “Ineptitudinal Penalty”? That’s where I personally draw the line.
People are different.
But that is not a punishable offense.
Was that original?
“Sorry. Still ‘Duh.’”
Was it at least – please, God – interesting?...
“I thought you were a non-believer.”