Thursday, March 22, 2018

"Food, Challenging Food"

It’s not vanity when you’re pants don’t fit.

“It’s cheapness.”

It’s practicality!  Geez, you make me so…


Okay, we are getting ahead of ourselves here.  Yes, when bombarded by the likes of Blue Italics Person belligerence, one may feel impelled to reach for the “Comfort Food.”  But I am “Standing Tall” this time.  And not just because I am working at a “Stand-Up” desk.  (Although that helps.)

The following is my “Fight Back!” inspirational narrative.  (Or as “inspirational” as a pessimist gets.)

About three months ago, I went to Rancho La Puerta to get myself back on dietarial track, which I successful accomplished.  How am I doing since I’ve been back?

I’d give myself a “B-.”

I continue to be able to fit in my pants.  Although, over the ensuing period, the “Margin of Error” is gradually diminishing.  As my “Margin of Belt-Level Expansion” heads in the opposite direction.  (I can sense the button waving “Goodbye” to the increasingly harder-and-harder-to-reach buttonhole.)

Part if the problem is inevitably age-related.  My “Internal Furnace” does not burn fuel as efficiently as it once did.  I’m not sure it burns anything at all.  I eat things, and my body, which once reflexively knew the next step now goes, (CLUELESSLY) “What.”  I look down, and the “Food To Be Processed” remains waiting there, like a passenger on a platform for a train they don’t run anymore. 

I can still see the outline of two-days-ago-eaten cake.

With little assistance from my seemingly AWOL “Fuel-Burning ‘Choo-Choo’”, it’s up to me – adding, for longtime fans of Carl Reiner’s Enter Laughing­ – “… to do the ‘Ha-cha-cha.’”  (Look up that reference.  It might inspire you in the future, as it has me, and still does.)

I am told by a certain psychologist of my acquaintance that the latest therapeutic  “Buzzword” these days is “Mindfulness.”

In English:  Simply “Paying Attention.”

(Note:  I know you are not used to “Self-Help” advisories emanating from this blog.  To reliably provide “Self-Help” you must be consistently able to help yourself.  I believe.  In that regard, me, giving advice about anything is like a .190 hitter offering pointers to a batting champion.  (About batting.  I would still provide tips on where to procure authentic matza brei.  But only if requested.)  Today is an outlying exception.  Tomorrow, it’s back to “trivial extranaeity” and railing against things that won’t change.)   

Over these past three months, I have been trying to maintain the lessons reinforced at Rancho La Puerta.  (“Don’t go to any of the exercise classes”, was also reinforced, not on my last visit, but on the visit before, when I went to a “Stretch” class and the leader yelled at me for stretching too slowly.) 

Once again, I am not an expert.  This is just what I’ve noticed.  (Although I am an expert at “noticing”, so you can take what I’ve noticed to the bank.)  (Not promising it won’t be counterfeit money.)

The key – look for books showcasing this word flying off the shelves at your local bookstore, if you can find a local bookstore – is indeed, I believe, the aforementioned “Mindfulness”, in this case, in the context of “You, And the Unmindful Consumption of Foodstuffs.”  (i.e., stuffing yourself with food.)

Also – and I am starting to feel like this is a preambling “Introduction”, with the actual content coming tomorrow – this is not a “Do’s” and “Don’ts” kind of arrangement.  Who am I to instruct others?  I won’t even do that about writing, which I actually know something about.

What I am offering is purely, “This is me, struggling with this.”  I am not a “Weight Loss” guru.  Although – speaking of noticing – have you noticed that all of them are rich?  Two possible explanations for that phenomenon come to mind:  One:  There are a lot of people needing their services.   And Two:  “Hey, welcome back.”

I shall leave you to decide which one it is.

Since my return from the Ranch, I have paid “mindful” attention to experiences like,

“Look at that.  I made a peanut butter sandwich snack to take to the ‘Television-Watching Room’ and I finished eating it in the hall.”

That’s worth noticing, don’t you think?

Although, if you stop at “noticing” without assiduously following up – this is me, being encouraging from a negative perspective – let me assure you of something:  I fail almost as often as I succeed.  Which is actually a step forward.  I used to fail all the time.

My authoritative “Dispatch from the Front” headline: 

It happens.

Worst case scenario?

You’re gonna need some new pants.

Best case scenario?

You won’t.

Tune in tomorrow for my, hopefully, helpful personal chronicle.

Until then – and maybe after, if this turns out to make sense to you – when you are around food,

Just “notice.”

Not as in, “Hey, I’m around food.”

But as in,

“Okay.  What now?

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