Wednesday, November 16, 2016

"Hillary Loses The Election; NFL Football Ratings Are Down"

Everyone likes reasons.  I believe.  Though I have engaged in no polling on the matter.  Although considering the current reputation of polling… never mind. 

No, I mean, really!  If you can’t believe who you’re supposed to believe, who then are you supposed to believe?  The guy who says “We’re winning Pennsylvania” when he’s “nine points down in Pennsylvania”?  I guess so.  The guy won Pennsylvania.

Okay, enough about that.  Though it’s like a bump in my mouth I can’t help visiting with my tongue.

Reasons feel good because they are a definitive “Case closed.”  What happened may have been bad – catastrophic even – but at least we know why it happened, giving us, first, an answer, second, a sense that the world in general makes sense in its occurrences, and third, we have, learning from its example, the hope of avoiding similar catastrophes in the future.  (I almost forgot what “Third” was, not uncommon when an Old Guy embarks on offering a list.)

Reasons are easy.  Wait, did I say “Reasons are easy”?  Wrong.   Sometimes, reasons are impossible. 

Regular readers are aware that two summers ago, I contracted “Legionnaires’ Disease.”  Why?  No one has any idea.  Which dissatisfied me and sat even more poorly with the representative from the Center For Disease Control who called to ask how I got “Legionnaires’ Disease” it and I replied, “No idea.”  He said, “Thank you”, but his identifiable tone implied, “Well you’re no help!” 

Like I got an inexplicable illness on purpose. 

Sometimes, reasons are impossible.  Other times, reasons are ubiquitous.  Which, in its way, is equally unhelpful. 
 
Everyone likes reasons.  I believe.  Though I have engaged in no polling on the matter.  Although considering the current reputation of polling… never mind. 

No, I mean, really!  If you can’t believe who you’re supposed to believe, who then are you supposed to believe?  The guy who says “We’re winning Pennsylvania” when he’s “nine points down in Pennsylvania”?  I guess so.  The guy won Pennsylvania.

Okay, enough about that.  Though it’s like a bump in my mouth I can’t help visiting with my tongue.

Reasons feel good because they are a definitive “Case closed.”  What happened may have been bad – catastrophic even – but at least we know why it happened, giving us, first, an answer, second, a sense that the world in general makes sense in its occurrences, and third, we have, learning from its example, the hope of avoiding similar catastrophes in the future.  (I almost forgot what “Third” was, not uncommon when an Old Guy embarks on offering a list.)

Reasons are easy.  Wait, did I say “Reasons are easy”?  Wrong.   Sometimes, reasons are impossible. 

Regular readers are aware that two summers ago, I contracted “Legionnaires’ Disease.”  Why?  No one has any idea.  Which dissatisfied me and sat even more poorly with the representative from the Center For Disease Control who called to ask how I got “Legionnaires’ Disease” it and I replied, “No idea.”  He said, “Thank you”, but his identifiable tone implied, “Well you’re no help!” 

Like I got an inexplicable illness on purpose. 

Sometimes, reasons are impossible.  Other times, reasons are ubiquitous.  Which, in its way, is equally unhelpful. 
 
Everyone likes reasons.  I believe.  Though I have engaged in no polling on the matter.  Although considering the current reputation of polling… never mind. 

No, I mean, really!  If you can’t believe who you’re supposed to believe, who then are you supposed to believe?  The guy who says “We’re winning Pennsylvania” when he’s “nine points down in Pennsylvania”?  I guess so.  The guy won Pennsylvania.

Okay, enough about that.  Though it’s like a bump in my mouth I can’t help visiting with my tongue.

Reasons feel good because they are a definitive “Case closed.”  What happened may have been bad – catastrophic even – but at least we know why it happened, giving us, first, an answer, second, a sense that the world in general makes sense in its occurrences, and third, we have, learning from its example, the hope of avoiding similar catastrophes in the future.  (I almost forgot what “Third” was, not uncommon when an Old Guy embarks on offering a list.)

Reasons are easy.  Wait, did I say “Reasons are easy”?  Wrong.   Sometimes, reasons are impossible. 

Regular readers are aware that two summers ago, I contracted “Legionnaires’ Disease.”  Why?  No one has any idea.  Which dissatisfied me and sat even more poorly with the representative from the Center For Disease Control who called to ask how I got “Legionnaires’ Disease” it and I replied, “No idea.”  He said, “Thank you”, but his identifiable tone implied, “Well you’re no help!” 

Like I got an inexplicable illness on purpose. 

Sometimes, reasons are impossible.  Other times, reasons are ubiquitous.  Which, in its way, is equally unhelpful. 
 
Two examples.  Demonstrating the problem is everywhere.  And taking my mind off my troubles, half of the time.Everyone likes reasons.  I believe.  Though I have engaged in no polling on the matter.  Although considering the current reputation of polling… never mind. 

No, I mean, really!  If you can’t believe who you’re supposed to believe, who then are you supposed to believe?  The guy who says “We’re winning Pennsylvania” when he’s “nine points down in Pennsylvania”?  I guess so.  The guy won Pennsylvania.

Okay, enough about that.  Though it’s like a bump in my mouth I can’t help visiting with my tongue.

Reasons feel good because they are a definitive “Case closed.”  What happened may have been bad – catastrophic even – but at least we know why it happened, giving us, first, an answer, second, a sense that the world in general makes sense in its occurrences, and third, we have, learning from its example, the hope of avoiding similar catastrophes in the future.  (I almost forgot what “Third” was, not uncommon when an Old Guy embarks on offering a list.)

Reasons are easy.  Wait, did I say “Reasons are easy”?  Wrong.   Sometimes, reasons are impossible. 

Regular readers are aware that two summers ago, I contracted “Legionnaires’ Disease.”  Why?  No one has any idea.  Which dissatisfied me and sat even more poorly with the representative from the Center For Disease Control who called to ask how I got “Legionnaires’ Disease” it and I replied, “No idea.”  He said, “Thank you”, but his identifiable tone implied, “Well you’re no help!” 

Like I got an inexplicable illness on purpose. 

Sometimes, reasons are impossible.  Other times, reasons are ubiquitous.  Which, in its way, is equally unhelpful. 
 
Two examples.  Showing the "multiple reasons" problem is everywhere.  And shifting my mind from my current concerns, fifty percent of the time.

“Hillary Loses the Election; NFL Football Ratings Are Down”

Reasons *:  (* A partial, highly subjective compilation)

Lackluster candidate.

Indifferent performances on the field.

Misreading the anger.

“Fantasy Football’s” emphasis on individual statistics has superseding fan-built identification with the teams.

Her opponent’s free ride from the media, concerning attitude, factual inaccuracies and personal behavior.

The games are over-officiated.

Too identified with Wall Street.

People watching on their phones, not on their televisions.

Enduring e-mail irregularities.

Where are the superstars?  Where’s “Hacksaw” Reynolds?  Where’s “Mean” Joe Greene?

They wouldn’t vote for a woman.

The league’s tarnishing reputation because of injuries (especially head injuries), accusations of domestic abuse, gun violations and sitting down during the “Anthem.”

Conflated decent conservatives with “Basket of Deplorables.”

Too many televised games – Sunday Night Football.  Monday Night Football.  Thursday Night Football.

Oppressive “Clinton Fatigue.”

Uninteresting match-ups.

In presidential elections, emotion inevitably tops intellect the way rock inevitably covers paper.

Sleep-inducing announcers.  What happened to “Hawad”?

People looking for a Daddy, not a Grandma.

Fully inflated footballs are harder to control.

Okay, how many is that? – Ten on each issue?  Plenty.  Not that there aren’t numerous additions to the list.  (“When he went low, she went high… and he won.”  “As a game, NFL football is inferior to Canadian football.”  Stop laughing.  It is.)

Question:  Which is the determining reason Hillary lost and NFL football is down? 

Answer:  The one you most identify with.  Which does not make it “determining”, just determining to you.

No definitive answer?

No visceral satisfaction.

And we are left in the darkness –

Looking for comfort.

Or, in the other example, feeling ripped off for spending millions advertising on football.

Which may be the first time I ever identified with sponsors.


3 comments:

Stephen Marks said...

So Earl you had a throw away line in your great post about the NFL being inferior to the CFL. Just thinking...

Trump is like the NFL. Big, bold, arrogant, mouthy, in your face event viewing. If you don't perform or are injured "you're fired." You can't turn your head and just ignore it because its the biggest sporting league in the world. It has racist nicknames (Redskins), homophobic locker rooms and illegal money transactions in the form of wagering. Donald Trump is now the Commissioner of the United States, voted in by 50 franchises with varying degrees of power. The Buffalo Bills are Rhode Island, the New England Patriots are Florida, Ohio, and Michigan. And Trump walks and talks likes he's constantly concussed, just like 90% of NFL players.

Hillary is like the CFL. Been around for years but never gets any respect. Treated like she doesn't belong in the big leagues. Tons of potential and skill when confined to a small pond but can't seem to leverage her talent into a jump to a bigger stage. Use to be Ottawa Rough Riders and Saskatchewan Rough Riders and everybody snickered, Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton and everybody snickered. Hillary couldn't quite get her message across to the masses who were confused, as if someone were explaining the no yards penalty on punts in the CFL, or the rougue or what Alouette means. Hillary will always be there, in the background working hard to gain respect while her husband takes advantage of the bigger playing field.

Wendy M. Grossman said...

I actually thought my theory about how you got Legionnaire's Disease deserved at least to be considered: water consumed from the tap without running it long enough to clear. Apparently, it's a fairly common cause, and I assume your summer house is unoccupied most of the year.

wg

Assaf Shaham said...

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assafshaham@gmail.com
323-7815010
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Best
Assaf