I am meditating in the morning, just after I wake up. (Meditating before you wake up is called sleeping.) And what should pop into my consciousness but
a story about me and Miss Sternberg, my Toronto
Hebrew Day School art teacher when I was seven.
All I recall about Miss Sternberg is that she wore oversized
horn-rimmed glasses, and she was big, though when you’re seven, who isn’t?
I would – I believe fairly – adjudge myself to be creative
in one and a half areas – writing and half music. But I am terrible at art, and I always have
been – I’ve been doodling the same stick figure for sixty years.
I don’t know. My mind
sees stuff, but when the image gets sent down to my drawing hand, my perplexed
fingers go, “What do you want?” It is utterly hopeless – Morse Code tapping
out to a person who can’t hear.
So we’re sitting in art class. Our assignment: To recreate “an outdoor activity”, with
crayons. Our drawing paper was of
extremely low quality – it had chips of wood in it. Though a few arboreal remnants did not seem
to deter other people, by whom I mean
people who could draw. My friend Ira
Friedman was a natural. Years later at
camp, he painted a picture of “Dennis The Menace” on my canoe paddle. (And canoe paddles are all wood.)
For my “outdoor activity”, I decide to draw a “badminton
scene”, badminton being a game which, though heartbreakingly inept at other
sports, I was not entirely terrible at.
It’s like the “Sports Fairy” had mistakenly delivered “Badminton” to the
wrong house. And I kept it.
The problem is, the thing I draw worse than everything else I can't draw is people. (Even my stick
figures are unidentifiable.) So I made an immediate decision.
As a result, my finished picture offered a rudimentary house, and a side yard boasting a “badminton height” net supported by two poles, four misshapen rackets lying on the ground, alongside a mutant facsimile of a “birdie.”
As a result, my finished picture offered a rudimentary house, and a side yard boasting a “badminton height” net supported by two poles, four misshapen rackets lying on the ground, alongside a mutant facsimile of a “birdie.”
That was my picture – a “people-free” Badminton Tableau. I finished quickly, because…what was it?
Miss Sternberg passes from desk to desk dispensing
encouragements and adulations, deserved or otherwise. I recall hearing the words, “I like what
you’re going for there, Arye”, delivered to a would-be Picasso who landed in
the ritual slaughtering racket.
Then it was my turn.
Miss Sternberg eyed my effort, struggling to say something that, if not
high praise, would at least not make me cry.
Finally, she found the appropriate observation.
“It looks like badminton. But where are the people?”
Critics! They never
give you a break.
Though hardly a quick thinker, I desperately needed a
“saver.” And startlingly, one came to
me.
Why were there no people in my Badminton Tableau?
“It’s raining. And they
all went inside.”
I heard a sound which I would later recognize as a person
choking down a guffaw. I feared for her
internal organs, a suppressed laugh bubble causing an helpless spleen or gall
bladder to explode. Miss Sternberg moved
away in silence. Though her shoulders
kept jerking up and down.
That’s the story that came to me as I meditated. And I was grateful, because I had nothing
ready to write about that day. (“That
day” being today.) This happens quite
frequently. I do not get an idea till it
comes to me. And when it comes to me,
there it is – a ready-to-go blog post idea.
What if nothing
comes to me? So far, that has not
happened. Though I cannot for the life
of me imagine why.
The fact is, I do not overly concern myself with why ideas
come to me – I have too many other
concerns I can’t do anything about occupying my mind. But I do
sometimes ponder why this one floated
to my consciousness at this particular moment.
“Why did I think of that just now?” (In contrast to the uncountable other things I could have thought). Kind of an interesting inquiry, don’t you
think?
“What brought this decades-ago triviality suddenly to my
attention?”
Well, just like you – or at least I – cannot make a thought
appear, I cannot make the explanation for why
that thought appeared appear either. It
has to come to me. And an hour or so
later, it did.
The “badminton-picture-with-no people-in-it” story seems to
be about me, surrendering, perhaps too readily, to my perceived
limitations. And it came to mind, I believe,
because of a recent houseguest, a friend of half a century who, though he may
not have received the career-related blessings that I’ve enjoyed, has never ever
stopped working.
And he continues to today.
Toiling simultaneously on an e-book, several plays, a miniseries
proposal, a children’s book adaptation, and a feature film, shot entirely on an
iPad.
Me, I saw the handwriting on the wall, and the handwriting
said, “Go home.” And, after a couple of
rejected pilot scripts and an unsold screenplay, I did.
It was definitely raining.
But I wondered, for the first time, if I may have retired to the indoors just a little too easily.
An unconscious thought offered up a story. And the story illuminated the unconscious
thought.
I discovered the connection this time.
I wonder what my other stories
are telling me?
3 comments:
Hurrah! I hope you re-consider your self-imposed "retirement", there's so many creative avenues to explore these days.
I'm just watching TAXI for the first time ever (I'm 35 and I remember catching a few episodes as a kid -- my parents loved it). What a show! Often when I go back and watch older sitcoms, I have to train myself to slow down to their pace. I get restless after growing up with TV that runs a mile a minute, but with TAXI I haven't had that at all. I think it's because the stories and characters are so good that I'm hooked. It feels more like "real life" and therefore more relatable. In fact, I find myself actively disliking moments when the show get too sitcom-y and the characters stop being real.
It's like THE WIRE of comedy or something. I wonder if it's not just me and people might be open to a slower series right now.
Anyhoo, the reason I wanted to comment was to ask you about the benefits of meditating. I've been considering getting into it myself. Someone once said that creativity is a constant battle with your self-awareness, and for me that's definitely true. I wonder if meditating might help with that (hey, it worked for Andy Kaufman).
Thanks for your blog. I have to go and rifle through your archives for TAXI stories now.
I agree that you have other avenues. Actually, I suggested this to you like two years ago. You have indeed surrendered to retirement too easily.
Like most of your fans, I'll join the 2 prior posters who say you went too easily into the night. As one who was forced into retirement - tho not from the creative genre - and I was definitely not ready to go, it's easy to fob my thoughts off onto someone else.
Completely different topic: I just happened to discover the A&E series called LONGMIRE, a modern day western set in a fictional section of Wyoming. I've watched the first 2 episodes of the first season. Curious if you've seen it and if so, what you think of it. Like yourself, I'm a fan of the western. I'm undecided if I'll continue with LONGMIRE.
Post a Comment