Monday, March 26, 2012

"The Most Powerful Man In The World?"

The President of the United States is generally considered to be the most powerful man in the world. And yet, look at all the things – and I am sure there are others, which perhaps you can suggest – that the president of the United States could not possibly ever say.

The State of the Union is not that great.

Does God exist? I have absolutely no idea.

I really don’t like (insert name of a vegetable grown exclusively in a battleground state)!

The president can do very little about gas prices.

The assembly line jobs are never coming back.

This country would be safer is less people had guns.

You know what would be beautiful? If just once, my Appointments Secretary would say, “You have to pardon the turkey, and that’s it.”

Some of my advisors – I won’t mention names – are more clueless than I am. No, wait! I will mention names!

Legalize marijuana? Alcohol's legal, is't it?

I’d like to see what happens if, just once, I paid tribute to coal in Iowa and corn in Pennsylvania.

A lot of the Opposition party are idiots!

The extreme element of my party are a bunch of whiney babies. They continually want more.

As hard as I try, whenever economists start talking, I immediately glaze over.

I’d help the poor more, if only they’d vote.

Of course I go to Wall Street for campaign donations. They’ve got a potload of money!

Capital punishment is as barbaric as the thumbscrew and boiling in oil.

Have you read the Constitution? The president is really hemmed in.

On the days when this job really sucks, I imagine that Nixon arranged Watergate, so he could get out of here early.

No “Mistakes were made.” I made a lot of mistakes!

Sometimes, I look at the other side of an argument, and it seems kind of reasonable.

I’m gonna start puttin’ a “g’” on the end of “puttin’.“ And I’m gonna stop saying “gonna.”

If it weren’t for Lincoln and Roosevelt, I’d be considered a really good president.

I had this dream, where this guy was going to assassinate me, and I went over to his house and shot him!

They asked me, “Do you think we should go to war?” I said, “Ask somebody else!”

There is a percentage of the electorate that is just plain stupid.

“The Most Powerful Man in the World?”

Peut etre, non.

And let him try saying anything in French!


Unknown said...

"I find most of the people holding hand painted signs and chanting slogans on streetcorners during election season to be reasonable folks."

Anonymous said...

Babylon 5's Londo Mollari said it best after becoming Emperor he said:

"When we first met I had no power and all the choices I could ever want. And now I have all the power I could ever want and no choices at all. No choice at all."

Anonymous said...

"Doesn't really matter who you vote for, the same stuff is going to end up happening to you anyway."

"I'd enjoy this job a lot more if it weren't for all these elections."

"I'm only comfortable around folks in my income bracket."

"I can't really do much about the economy."

"Could you all stop applauding so we can all get this over with faster?"

"You losers who show up five hours early to shake my hand -- you're Congresspersons for heaven's sake! Don't you have anything better to do?"