I was visiting Toronto when I read in the newspaper that CBS had cancelled Major Dad. We were staying at the Four Seasons Hotel. Anna liked it there. They gave you popcorn in a Frisbee.
The article said that Major Dad had been dropped from its Friday night time-period, and been replaced by a new comedy starring Robert Urich.
I felt terrible. A show with my name in the credits, a show that paid me regular royalties was going away. Of course, the cancellation wasn’t just about me. People I knew would be losing their jobs. But getting back to me, if Major Dad had been picked up for a fifth season, I was contractually entitled to an enormous bonus. How much would I have received?
A millium dollars.
I can’t say it the real way. It’s too painful, even today.
I had some “cancellation steam” to work off, so I threw on some sweats and went to work out at the Four Seasons gym. I got on the treadmill and I started to walk. I don’t run, but fueled by the anger at the people who had cancelled my show, I was walking with intensity.
“Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.”
From my encasement of grumbliness, I glanced over at the man who was exercising beside me. I blinked. I looked again. I blinked again. It was totally surreal. The man on the treadmill beside me was…
The guy whose show was replacing mine.
You know how on a computer, you click on something and you drag it to someplace else? That’s exactly how it felt.
CBS had clicked on my millium dollars and dragged it over to Robert Urich.
It was not a long drag.
He was standing three feet away!
I could watch my money, floating out of my grasp, and falling gently into his.
Bye-bye, millium dollars.
Tomorrow: A Surreal Moment I Liked