"Lost In Translation"

There are players on the Dodgers – and on other ball clubs – who are originally from other countries, and have not yet mastered their adopted language.  When these players are interviewed, they come with their own personal interpreters. 

Sometimes, I wonder if, perhaps, something gets lost in these three-way conversations.

And here we go.

A Major League ballplayer stands in front of his locker, communicating through an interpreter during a post-game interview with the team’s local female reporter.  

FEMALE REPORTER:  “Great game today, (NAME OF BALLPLAYER WHO HAS NOT YET MASTERED HIS ADOPTED LANGUAGE.)  Seems like all your pitches were working.”

INTERPRETER (TO BALLPLAYER, SPEAKING NOT ENGLISH):  “It’s the standard post-game compliment.  You want to answer yourself?  Or you want me to take it?”

BALLPLAYER (TO INTERPRETER, SPEAKING NOT ENGLISH):  “Say whatever you want.  I just want to get out of here.”

INTERPRETER (TO FEMALE REPORTER):  “The (NAME OF OPPONENTS) are a great team.  I feel lucky to have pulled out a win.”

FEMALE REPORTER:  “Did you come in, knowing you were going to do well?  It seems, from the first pitch, you were in total command.” 

INTERPRETER (TO BALLPLAYER, SPEAKING NOT ENGLISH):  “She wants to know if you came in, knowing you were going to do well.”

BALLPLAYER (SPEAKING NOT ENGLISH):  “Every time I go out there, I have no idea where the ball's going to go.  My pre-game ‘Bullpen Session’ goes great?  I go in, and pitch terrible.  I just don’t have a clue.”

INTERPRETER (TO FEMALE REPORTER):  “The pre-game ‘Bullpen Session’ went great.  I went out, knowing I had good ‘stuff’, and feeling confident of my success.”

FEMALE REPORTER:  “You had that one ‘hiccup’, when (NAME OF OPPOSING BALLPLAYER) ‘took you deep.’  Were you surprised it went out?”

INTERPRETER (TO BALLPLAYER, SPEAKING NOT ENGLISH):  “She wants to know about the home run you gave up.  Were you surprised it went out?”

BALLPLAYER  (SPEAKING NOT ENGLISH): “I was very surprised.”

INTEPRETER (TO REPORTER):  “He was very surprised.”

BALLPLAYER (NOT IN ENGLISH):  “The stupid right fielder totally screwed up.  If he had taken the right route to the ball, and timed his jump properly, it was an ‘Out’ instead of a homer.”

INTERPRETER (TO FEMALE REPORTER):  “Our right fielder gave it his best shot.  But (NAME OF OPPOSING BALLPLAYER) is a great hitter.  When he beats you, you have to tip you cap, and just try and do better.”

FEMALE REPORTER:  “You and your catcher seemed really in sync tonight.  How much does it help, being ‘on the same page’ like that?”

INTERPRETER (TO BALLPLAYER, NOT IN ENGLISH):  “She wants to know about the relationship between you and the catcher.”

BALLPLAYER (NOT IN ENGLISH):  “I hate that catcher!  Ignorant and annoying.  Yesterday, he said, ‘Do you want to have dinner?’  Can you believe it?  The idiot thinks that we’re friends.”  

INTERPRETER  (TO FEMALE REPORTER):  “(THE CATCHER’S NAME) and I are quite close, both on and off the field.  We were supposed to have one of regular dinners last night, but I had an important charitable engagement, and I had to beg off.”

FEMALE REPORTER:  “One last question.  Do you feel like this team can go all the way this year?”

INTERPRETER (TO BALLPLAYER, NOT IN ENGLISH):  “She wants to know if you guys can win the World Series.”

BALLPLAYER (NOT IN ENGLISH):  “There are a lot of great teams in this league.  None of them are us.  Check my statistics.  Without me, we're nothing.”

INTERPRETER (TO FEMALE REPORTER): “There are lot of great teams in this league.  None of them are like us.  We play as a team.  I’ll check my statistics when I retire.”

FEMALE REPORTER:  “Once again, great game.  Good luck for the rest of the season.”

INTERPRETER (TO BALLPLAYER, NOT IN ENGLISH):  “Just the standard ‘Great game’ wrap-up.  Any final remarks?”

BALLPLAYER (NOT IN ENGLISH, RE: THE FEMALE REPORTER): “She’s hot.”

INTERPRETER (TO FEMALE REPORTER):  “Thank you.”

THE INTERVIEW ENDS.  THE FEMALE REPORTER HEADS OFF.

BALLPLAYER (TO INTEPRETER, SPEAKING IN ENGLISH):  “Nice going.  You got ‘me’ just right.”

INTERPRETER: “Wait.  You speak English?”

BALLPLAYER:  “You want to keep your job?”

INTERPRETER (ROBOTICALLY):  “You do not speak English.”

THE FEMALE REPORTER TURNS BACK.

FEMALE REPORTER (NOT IN ENGLISH)  “But I speak (THEIR ORIGINAL LANGUAGE.)

BALLPLAYER/INTERPRETER (TOGETHER)  “Oh no!”

REPORTER (IN ENGLISH):  “You guys are hilarious.”

BALLPLAYER (IN ENGLISH):  “Thank you.  I mean (TO INTERPRETER, NOT IN ENGLISH), what was she saying?”

INTERPRETER (IN ENGLISH):  “Too late.”

(Writer’s Confession.  I knew this was a good idea when it came to me, though I may not be the best person to write it.  The thing is, I’m the only one here.)