"New Year's Eve In Hawaii"

A quiet moment to assemble my thoughts.

“You always break your New Year’s Resolutions.”

So how about this strategy?

You make a bunch of New Year’s resolutions, 

Including the following:

“I will break all my New Year’s resolutions.”

Then, since you always break your New Year’s resolutions,

You will break your New Year’s resolution to break all your New Year’s resolutions,

Thereby keeping all your other New Year’s resolutions.

Is that genius?

Or have my standards plummeted because it’s the holidays?

Wait!  What about this one?

You make all of your New Year’s resolutions…

Backwards.

“I resolve not reach my “Ideal Weight.”

“I resolve to lie and cheat every chance I get.”

“I resolve to think only about myself.”

You break all your New Year’s resolutions,

Because you always break your New Year’s resolutions,

And you’re off to the races!

Okay, I’ll stop now.

You guys do what you want.

Which, of course, does not exclude heeding the foregoing suggestions.

You could resolve not to listen to anything I say…

And then you will.

You know what?

I’m going back to the beach.