"My First Contest" (Or Maybe It's My Second)

For reasons I am at a loss to explain, unlike the numerous products whose purveyors trumpet what those products do in their names – “Mr. Clean” jumps immediately to mind – pharmaceutical companies appear to deliberately label their products with names that are entirely meaningless. 

Leading to this contest.  Which contains two elements.

The following is a list of medications regularly advertised on television.  At least on the channels I watch:

ANORO

ABREVA

ABIERTO  (Wait, that’s “open” in Spanish.  Please ignore.)

BELVIQ

CYMBALTA

DULERA

FARXIGA

JUBLIA

NAMENDA XR

PREVNAR 13

RELPAX

XARELTO

ZOFRAN

ZOVIRAX

ZYLINDRA

The following is a list of conditions the above-mentioned medications are intended to relieve:

Elevated blood sugar.

Migraines.

Anti-Depressant

Weight loss.

Extreme “Morning Sickness.”

Cold sores.

Blood thinner.

Pneumonia

Breathing problems.

Alzheimer’s Disease.

Cold sores again.  (I do not, that I am aware of, have Alzheimer’s.  There are two medications for cold sores.)

Ingrown toenail.

Asthma

Okay.  Element One of the Contest:

Match the medications’ names with the conditions they are intended to relieve.

Element Two of the Contest:

Identify the “Medication Name” that I personally made up.

You are unlikely the kind of people who need to be reminded of this, but…

No cheating. 

You cannot “Google” or ask your doctor.  And if you take one or more of these medications, recuse yourself from those, and continue on matching the ones you’ve never heard of.

The answers will be published shortly.  If I remember.  (Hm, maybe I do have…)

Anyway, good luck.

And enjoy the contest.

DISCLAIMER:  (TO BE READ EXTREMELY QUICKLY)  “This contest was intended for the enjoyment of the readership and was in no way constructed to discombobulate, irritate or offend.  In case negative reactions, you should desist from participating in the contest immediately, and engage yourself in some other activity.  Do not under any circumstances either sue or excoriate the writer.  Though his efforts may have been misguided, he was merely attempting to amuse.”