Number 25: My doctor wants me to cut down.
Number 24: They’re hard to digest, especially if they’re wearing a belt.
Number 23: My Cousin Ralphie ate a “bad” one and he died.
Number 22: It’s too easy to get addicted.
Number 21: They smell kinda “people-y.”
Number 20: Some of them smoke.
Number 19: Since they’ve been having less kids, the supermarket prices have skyrocketed.
Reason Number 18 for why I stopped eating people: One word: Botox.
Number 17: Two words: Silicone implants. (You can’t break them down!)
Number 16: When you eat a person, and that person ate cow meat, you are essentially eating yourself.
Number 15: They have names.
Number 14: I ate a bad one in Mexico and got terrible tourista.
Number 13: It’s tough explaining why it’s okay to eat them to your kids.
Number 12: I knew one of them’s wallet, and it bummed me out.
Number 11: They leave an unpleasant aftertaste in your mouth.
Number 10: Have you seen how they live?
Reason Number 9 for why I stopped eating people: Their poop smells “funny.”
Number 8: They never stop talking.
Number 7: They have two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth – and so do I.
Number 6: If you “freeze-dry” them, they lose all their nutritional value.
Number 5: Studies show that months after you eat them, their DNA still shows up in your milk.
Number 4: Reason Number Four for why I stopped eating people: The little ones are so cute!
Number 3: My dentures can’t handle ‘em.
Number 2: Two days in the sun, and they “spoil.”
Number 1 – and the main reason I stopped eating people:
One of them feeds me.
And yet they are so darn delicious, aren’t they?
I could go for one right now.
NOTICE: Cows are welcome to write in suggestions of their own.