If I were a really great president, I would not want to share my Special Day with any other president, even if they were a great president as well.
“Let Lincoln get his own day!”
George Washington may have clacked through his ill-fitting wooden teeth.
To which, Lincoln, a humble man, yet with enough self-regard to run for president, might reply,
“I preserved the Union and got shot in the head. I deserve my own day!”
I imagine it’s how twins feel, sharing a birthday. Only those guys weren’t twins, just twin icons. Bad blood would be no surprise.
LINCOLN: It should not be forgotten that four score and seven years ago, Washington lost a remarkable number of battles.
WASHINGTON: I find myself at a disadvantage here, as Mr. Lincoln did not preside until after I was dead. Was the man any good?
Also, changing the holiday’s name to President’s Day opens the door to claims for inclusion by other presidents.
BUCHANAN: How about me? I was a president too.
NIXON: Good luck with that one, Mr. “Dred Scott Decision.” I, at least, was elected to two terms.
RUTHERFORD B. HAYES: You’d have an argument if it were “Disgraced President’s Day.” I, on the other hand, am not remembered for doing anything wrong.
TEDDY ROOSEVELT: You’re not remembered at all! Ha ha! That was a bully joke, wasn’t it?
JOHN F. KENNEDY: Not really. But everyone can’t have natural Irish wit.
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT: You were also a bit of a hound as I recall. Aoooooh!!!
CALVIN COOLIDGE: Easy there, Wheel Chair Man. You were not entirely innocent yourself!
HARDING: No whiff of “woman trouble” with you, Calvin. Unless rape were defined as “An unwanted inducement of yawning.”
GRANT: “Teapot Dome Scandal” anyone?
WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON: It takes a scandal-ridden administration to know a scandal-ridden administration! No scandals in my administration!
TRUMAN: You never had an administration. You refused to wear a topcoat during your Inaugural Address, and you were dead as a doornail in a month!
JOHNSON: Give ‘em hell, Harry! And try not to blow up any more cities.
READER: Hey, Earlo! Do you know a factoid about every president?
ME: No! Franklin Pierce – are you kidding me? I also never intended to write this much on a holiday. So I’m stopping, right here.
ANDREW JACKSON: Wait!
JACKSON: I threw the Indians out of Florida.
JACKSON: Come on! Would your people retire to a place that was full of Indians?
ME: It was a terrible thing to do.
JACKSON: Miami Beach. Teeming with Indians?
ME: Stop it.
JACKSON: Seminoles in Sarasota?
JACKSON: Okay. Have it your way.
AFTER A BEAT.
JACKSON: I also knew Davy Crockett.