I have a short break here. So I thought I’d slip away and connect with you on this most wonderful of holidays – great food, no presents. I don’t know how long I’ve got. I’m on twenty-four hour “Stand-by Alert.”
I have a crucially important job on Thanksgiving. It is my responsibility – and my responsibility alone – and my great honor as well, I might add – to empty the dish drain. Like most dish drains – I’m not singling ours out – our dish drain sits beside our sink, holding draining dishes, pots and pans and silverware (known in Canada as cutlery.) When the dish drain is full and the dishes, pots and pans and cutlery – I mean, silverware – are dry,
I empty it.
That’s my job.
If it is not self-evident – and I actually believe it is – let me explain why emptying the dish drain is such a significant responsibility.
If the dish drain is not regularly emptied, there will be no place to put the newly washed dishes, pots and pans and silverware, waiting to be drained. I make sure that doesn’t happen. How?
I empty the dish drain.
And when it’s re-filled.
I empty it again.
Also – especially on Thanksgiving, because of the volume of dishes to be cooked – I myself cook none of these dishes; I am too busy emptying the dish drain – some of the pots and pans, serving as cooking vessels for more than one dish, need to be re-used.
By emptying the dish drain, I speed up the availability of those pots and pans, and by so doing, I keep everything moving, insuring that the Thanksgiving Dinner is completed on time. Nobody wants a late Thanksgiving Dinner. People get cranky. I make sure that doesn’t happen.
An argument can be made that, as the enabling engine of the entire operation, emptying the dish drain is the most important job in the whole Thanksgiving Day preparational process. Others – those making the delicious turkey and the stuffing, fixing the mouth-watering side dishes, and baking the delectable desserts, may reasonably disagree. Though I believe the preceding description of my significance speaks for itself.
In case, however, additional evidence is required, I would simply add that the essentiality of my contribution is such that…
Sorry, I have to go.
They need me to empty the dish drain.
You know, I’m kinda like a surgeon.
“Dr. Pomerantz. To the dish drain. Dr. Pomerantz? The dish drain. Stat!”
What can I tell you? I am just that important.
And dish drainers across the country…
I salute you.