"Mopping Up"

This post is long overdue, and I sincerely apologize for the delay. 

Over time and on occasion – Pick one – I have written posts about events or experiences on which I neglected to follow up, leaving the reader in the dark about their ultimate resolutions.  This oversight, I admit without excuse, is thoughtless, sloppy and disrespectful to the reader.  So today, I’ll be tying up some loose ends.  

Better late than never.  But still, I could easily have done better. 

Okay.

The Pool Fence.

I talked about a projected fence to be built around our pool to keep little children from drowning, and how this young scalawag had sweet-talked me into signing a paper, which he assured me, did not contractually commit me to his pool fence company but a subsequent reading of that paper revealed the opposite.

What ultimately happened?

First, we have not as yet installed such a fence.  And we really don’t want to.  Not that we’re okay with little children drowning in our swimming pool.  It’s just that, I mean, you keep your kids from going on the road, you can keep them from wandering near the water.  An enclosing fence may in fact be less a security device than a costly reassurance for hyper-anxious parents.   This one’s still up in the air.

As to my inadvertent – and stupid – commitment, on the day the installation was scheduled, the more intrepid member of our family called the misleading pool fence company and, in a tone reflecting no nonsense whatsoever, instructed them to not even think about showing up.

And they didn’t.

Colonoscopy.

Before age 65, I had never had one.  I then enjoyed three of them within a period of three-and-a-half years.  After my most recent colonoscopy, the doctor called, informing me that the three polyps he’d removed had been benign, and suggesting that I schedule a subsequent colonoscopy in two years.  (My second colonoscopy took place after one year, and my third, after a year-and-a-half.)

Having prepared for this moment in my head, I confronted the gastroenterologist with a question:

“How much greater a risk would I be taking if I scheduled my next colonoscopy for three years instead of two?”

The doctor’s response to this query:

“None whatsoever.”

I agreed to a colonoscopy in three years, and considered it a victory.  But inside, I was fuming.  If the danger to my health was no greater after three years, why then did he originally recommend that I come back in two? 

(I am not asserting any financial implication, but who knows?  In reality, the two-year interval may have simply been a more conservative recommendation.  The problem is, A of all, the patient is generally too ignorant to make an informed judgment on such matters, and B – and I think it’s a problem – there is no consequence I’m aware of for a doctor who consistently over-tests.)

The Pen.

The old-fashioned stick pen I have written about that disappears from its holder for long periods of time and then unexpectedly reappears, took off again for about six months, and maybe ten days ago…

It was back.

New Comedians.

Not the most serious oversight, but perhaps the most embarrassing. 

I once asked for examples I should check out to upgrade my lagging awareness of the current comedians.  Some readers generously sent some suggestions, and I followed up on a couple of them.  But then I quit, and though I kept the list on my desk for some time, I eventually ignored it, and now it’s gone.

I was not disingenuous about my desire to keep up, but somehow, I was unwilling to make the necessary effort.  Perhaps I have a low threshold for staring at a computer screen.  Perhaps, I was simply overwhelmed by the sheer volume of my “homework.”  Or maybe, I was just jealous of the comedians people liked, none of whom were me, and I was afraid that if I saw what they did, I would realize how “behind the curve” I am, and it would debilitate my “funny.”

I don’t know.  And if you still have that list, whoever sent it, perhaps you could send it to me again.  Maybe next time, I’ll try harder.  I have the intention to, anyway.

Those are four follow-ups I neglected to pass on.  If there are any others that you’re curious about, please do not hesitate to let me know.

I thank you for your indulgence.  And, as always,

For your showing up.