Earl Pomerantz Speaks At The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor Award Ceremony Honoring Lorne Michaels"

(I’ve been told that this one sounds mean. They could be right. But after some seven hundred posts, maybe I'm due for a mean one.

What can I tell you? Even a “Good Boy” has his prickly side.

Okay. So here we go.)

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Lorne Michaels’ recent showcasing in Rolling Stone prompted me to write this speech, which I was never invited to give, but if I had been, my address on that special night might have gone something like this.

EARL POMERANTZ ENTERS AN EMPTY STAGE TO POLITE APPLAUSE. HE FACES THE ASSEMBLAGE.

Good evening. I’m Earl Pomerantz. I’ve known Lorne since college.

I’ll tell ya, I’m a little confused. Help me out here. Mark Twain was one of America’s greatest writers, arguably, the best writer this country ever produced. And his specialty was writing humor.

Now, it seems to me, in order to be honored with The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor, I mean, it’s just seems logical, that, first:

The honoree would have to have written something.

And second: That “something” would have to have been

Really funny.

EARL HEAVES A HEAVY SIGH.

I’ve known Lorne Michaels for over forty years. And, to be totally honest with you, I don’t recall him writing

Much of anything.

And, of the paltry amount Lorne has written – I mean, you could stack his entire body of work on a table in the lobby, and people going by would say, “There is nothing on that table!”

Of that meager output of Lorne’s writing – I don’t mean, “Change this!” or “Shorten that!”; I mean actual writing – I don’t remember any of it

Being

Really funny.

There may have been some. I just don’t remember.

The question then arises

If a a man has written almost nothing

And none of what he’s written is

Really funny

How does that man get awarded

The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor?

I’m just asking.

I mean, Lorne Michaels unquestionably has many, impressive attributes.

Though none of the attributes you would think would be required for him to earn The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor.

And yet…

Here we are.

EARL RAISES HIS HANDS PALMS UP, AND SHRUGS, IN AN EXPRESSION OF TOTAL BEWILDERMENT.

Lorne has an amazing gift for structuring his show. Similar to the gift Ed Sullivan had, strategically ordering the acts for maximum effect on the TV classic, “The Ed Sullivan Show.” Lorne does that to perfection as well.

But Lorne is not getting The Ed Sullivan Prize.

Lorne’s getting the Mark Twain Prize.

For American Humor.

Lorne also possesses the indispensable gift – especially in the jittery world of show business – of inspiring confidence. Lorne says to the people, “I know what I’m doing. Trust me.” And, sensing his wizard-like understanding of a world they know nothing about, they do.

But Lorne is not getting The Bernie Madoff Prize.

Lorne’s getting the Mark Twain Prize.

For American Humor.

Maybe it’s this. Mark Twain, especially in his later years, became recognized for his sartorial spiffiness. Twain famously appeared before Congress, dressed in a spectacular eye-catching white suit.

I guess that’s why he’s being honored tonight. Anyone who’s seen him knows

Lorne Michaels looks really nice

In a suit.

Maybe I’m missing something.

I mean, I haven’t been around Lorne for some time. Maybe, after I knew him, he really got down to business. But if that’s the case, and Lorne ultimately cranked out some brilliant comedic material…

Where is it?

You know, the way I see it, Lorne Michaels deserves a much loftier award than The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor. He deserves – I don’t know who you’d name it after, opinions would probably vary – but Lorne Michaels deserves the

Somebody Somebody

Miracle Award.

I truly believe that. I mean, here’s a man, who never wrote anything funny in his life, and he’s being awarded The Mark Twain Prize For American Humor.

If that’s not a miracle,

I don’t know what is.

I’m absolutely speechless.

EARL POMERANTZ EXITS THE STAGE.