"Birthday Greetings, 7-11-2008"

The first time I met her

She was three, almost four,

When I walked in her house

She was playing on the floor.

“This is Earl,” said her Mom,

“Say ‘Hello’ to him, Honey.”

She looked up and saw me

And said, “You look funny.”


But she looked terrific,

Black hair, hazel eyes,

And a knowing expression

That told me she was wise.

I would, without question, be wealthy, in shekels

If I only had one for each of Rachel B’s freckles.


My objections to being a step-dad was mild

It’s instructive to practice on another guy’s child.

In the evening, she’d tell me,

“I’m going to put on a play.”

I said, “Go right ahead.”

She said, “What should I say?”

The entire performance

Wouldn’t last very long,

It was bedtime – “Wash and Brush”

Then “Good night”, with three songs.


It started out awkward

With my girlfriend’s young girl,

She had a real Dad

I was always just “Earl.”

But when we picked her up from the sitter

Though I wasn’t her Pap

I felt ever so special

As she slept in my lap.


My mother had measles

When I was a prenatal baby,

Little Rachel told people,

“Earl’s mother had rabies.”


And then I remember there was this one other time

When Sam Waterston was considering acting in a sitcom of mine.

I told Rachel about our meeting, she was now a young lady,

She raced to her Mom, screaming,

"Sam 'What’s-his-name' said ‘Maybe’!”


We were almost both killed

And we really got wet-sky,

When we went to Aruba

And rented some jet skis.


“‘Copter ride, anyone?”

Mom and Anna weren’t buyin’,

Rachel shouted, “I’ll go!”

And we “choppered” through Zion. (National Park.)


I’ve called her Kidder and Roonie and Rooster and more,

She has so many rooster chachkes

She could open a “Rooster Store.”


She’s always available for a hug or a hike

She’s smart, she likes kitties

What’s there not to like?

She’s thoughtful, she’s caring

She bakes cupcakes and pie.

Is there anything missing?

She could use a great guy.


My mother once told me

“I hope all my wishes for you come true”,

Which drove me to therapy

For a decade or two.

I have no wish to make you neurotic or blue

So I’ll leave all your birthday wishes to you.

I’ll just proudly say “Howdy!” and shout it quite loudy,

I love and admire Birthday Girl, Rachel Braude.


Have a wonderful, lucky "7-11" birthday. And happiness forever.

Your Stepladder,

E. Raymond Pomerantz.