"Alphabet Abuse"

There was this radio sports-talk host I did not care for because of his blustering bombast and meaningless venting.  (Which ultimately made him an enormous success.)  The man once wasted twenty minutes, railing against a strip of earth joining the pitcher’s mound and home plate in a newly constructed Major League baseball stadium.  He’s like, “How could they do such a thing?”  “It looks ludicrous!”  “I am thoroughly disgusted!”  “It’s ‘bush’!”  (Unbecoming, at that level.)

I take in this endless audial drivel, and I think, “What a enormous waste of time.”

Today, I shall be doing exactly the same thing.

Why?

Because this thing really bugs me.  And what bugs him is stupid.  Just so you “get” the distinction.)

Okay… now that I have made that meaningless distinction…

The thing is in the case in question, sometimes it matters, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Specific examples of “It matters”:

Tylenol P.M.   The P.M. tells you, “It’s for nights.”

Coricidin HBP says, “Hey, blood pressure sufferers – this cold and flu medicine is for you.”

There is no question those added letters have value.  Those added letters actually do something.

Added Letters:  “We are proud to help health.”

And we truly honor your service.

However…

Other medicines do not need any more letters.  But the manufacturers see medicines with “letters”, adding elevating gravitas to their competitors’ products, and there’s this “Corner Office” rumbling,

“I want LETTERS!!!”

“But we don’t need letters.”

“You’re fired!   I want LETTERS!!!”

“I’ll give you letters.”

“Great!  You’ve got the fired guy’s job.”

And there you have it.  The boss wants “letters”, and the boxes have “letters.”  Adding nothing helpfully necessary to know.

Legitimate Added Letters:  “We are losing our distinguishing cachet.”

I know!  And it’s wrong!

Egregious Case In Point:

Prilosec OTC.  The “OTC”, of course, standing for,

“Over The Counter.”

Like that’s really significant.

“I can see it’s ‘Over The Counter.’  It is right there on the shelf.”

“And the box simply confirms that.”

“My eyes confirm that.  As with everything else on the shelf.  They don’t say ‘OTC.’”

“Fair point.  But Prilosec used to be “prescription.”  Now it’s…

“‘Over The Counter.”

“Ergo, the signifying ‘OTC’.”

“Tell, me how long ago did that change?’

“I don’t know.  A few years ago.”

“And they’ve still got it on the box?  The nose spray Flonase used to be “prescription” and now it’s not.  There is no “SWD’ printed on the box.”

“‘SWD’?”

“‘Shpritz Without Doctors’.”

“Why are you making a big fuss about this?  It’s just a few harmless letters.”

“That does not at all need to be there.  Those letters are a subterfuge and a sham.”

“‘Subterfuge’?”

“Because they pretend to mean something valuable, and they don’t.”

“Fair point.”

Unnecessary “Window Dressing.”  A perfectly good uniform, and they add absolutely “do-nothing” epaulettes.  A hamburger, with added “who needs it” parsley.  Is a clown a clown without the beaconing red nose?  No.  That’s a terrible example.  But the other two hold water.

There was this radio sports-talk host I did not care for because of his blustering bombast and meaningless venting.  (Which ultimately made him an enormous success.)  The man once wasted twenty minutes, railing against a strip of earth joining the pitcher’s mound and home plate in a newly constructed Major League baseball stadium.  He’s like, “How could they do such a thing?”  “It looks ludicrous!”  “I am thoroughly disgusted!”  “It’s ‘bush’!”  (Unbecoming, at that level.)

I take in this endless audial drivel, and I think, “What a enormous waste of time.”

Today, I shall be doing exactly the same thing.

Why?

Because this thing really bugs me.  And what bugs him is stupid.  Just so you “get” the distinction.)

Okay… now that I have made that meaningless distinction…

The thing is in the case in question, sometimes it matters, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Specific examples of “It matters”:

Tylenol P.M.   The P.M. tells you, “It’s for nights.”

Coricidin HBP says, “Hey, blood pressure sufferers – this cold and flu medicine is for you.”

There is no question those added letters have value.  Those added letters actually do something.

Added Letters:  “We are proud to help health.”

And we truly honor your service.

However…

Other medicines do not need any more letters.  But the manufacturers see medicines with “letters”, adding elevating gravitas to their competitors’ products, and there’s this “Corner Office” rumbling,

“I want LETTERS!!!”

“But we don’t need letters.”

“You’re fired!   I want LETTERS!!!”

“I’ll give you letters.”

“Great!  You’ve got the fired guy’s job.”

And there you have it.  The boss wants “letters”, and the boxes have “letters.”  Adding nothing helpfully necessary to know.

Legitimate Added Letters:  “We are losing our distinguishing cachet.”

I know!  And it’s wrong!

Egregious Case In Point:

Prilosec OTC.  The “OTC”, of course, standing for,

“Over The Counter.”

Like that’s really significant.

“I can see it’s ‘Over The Counter.’  It is right there on the shelf.”

“And the box simply confirms that.”

“My eyes confirm that.  As with everything else on the shelf.  They don’t say ‘OTC.’”

“Fair point.  But Prilosec used to be “prescription.”  Now it’s…

“‘Over The Counter.”

“Ergo, the signifying ‘OTC’.”

“Tell, me how long ago did that change?’

“I don’t know.  A few years ago.”

“And they’ve still got it on the box?  The nose spray Flonase used to be “prescription” and now it’s not.  There is no “SWD’ printed on the box.”

“‘SWD’?”

“‘Shpritz Without Doctors’.”

“Why are you making a big fuss about this?  It’s just a few harmless letters.”

“That does not at all need to be there.  Those letters are a subterfuge and a sham.”

“‘Subterfuge’?”

“Because they pretend to mean something valuable, and they don’t.”

“Fair point.”

Unnecessary “Window Dressing.”  A perfectly good uniform, and they add absolutely “do-nothing” epaulettes.  A hamburger, with added “who needs it” parsley.  Is a clown a clown without the beaconing red nose?  No.  That’s a terrible example.  But the other two hold water.

People are  tacking on letters simply to "look serious .”  If there is nothing behind it, it will eventually start to get silly .  I ask you, 

Where will it end? 

“Zyzylab RL”?  (“Random Lettering”?)   

“Qwintizil CTM”?  (“Costs Too Much”?) 

“Mnepatmnemol DRH”?  (“Doesn’t Really Help”?) 

“Varzintifel NSH”?  (“Not Sold Here”?)  (That’s one’s posted on a stick.) 

“Faplenzik MKY”?  (“May Kill You”?)  (That one’s “Government Mandated.”)

“Extraneous lettering” has got to be stopped!  Otherwise, the rampaging alphabet scourge will spread everywhere.

“Chicken Soup ICH”, in a deli?

You know what that means, right?

“It Couldn’t Hoit”?

I say, give Prilosec one more year of people enjoying the newfound ease and convenience of “Wow, we just can pick it up right here.”  After that, I say, OTC? –  OTW.

“OTW”?

“Out The Window.”

And they do not need to put it on the box.