"It Is A Puzzlement"

People have told me about my blog,

“Earl!  Your writing!  It’s so ‘you’!”

Not my favorite compliment – because it does not have the word “good” in it – but I’ll take it.  It is not easy to “sound me”, and if my friends think I pull it off, that’s something, I suppose

I mean, it’s better than sounding like nobody.  Though not as good as being a highly enjoyable “me.”  From their opaque accolades it is hard to determine if sounding, “so me” means “Hooray!” or “… and that’s it.”  I guess they had to say something, so they did.  But it’s like telling an actor, “Wow!  You were really up there!” 

The thing, which is the “puzzlement” of this outing, is that, as I have frequently mentioned, it takes three of four drafts for me to sound so authentically “me.”

Which led me to wonder why that would be?

Needing multiple “takes” to sound “so me” is like Seinfeld on Seinfeld saying,

“Can we try that again?  I think I can do ‘me’ better.”

Shouldn’t it be natural to “be me”?  If that’s true, then why can’t I “be me” the first time, instead of needing multiple drafts to “be me”?

I have been altering this first draft as we speak, and I am sure there will be subsequent drafts where I make even more alterations.  (I just changed “changes” to “alterations.”  And I am now thinking of changing it back.  Or is it “altering it back”?)

This does not happen when I talk.  I open my mouth to say things, and out they come.  I do not ever recall saying, “Give me three or four tries and you will really hear what I mean.”

What I am saying is, if “me talking” takes one try, why does “me writing” take five?

Not that “sounding like yourself” is ever obligatory, even in “personal formats” like blogs.  People offer valuable information on blogs.  How it sounds coming out is totally irrelevant.  Having chosen the other way, however, I wonder why “sounding like me” seems so challenging to pull off?

Maybe I am confusing “being me” with “being totally me.”  Comedians use a selected part of themselves not their entire personalities when performing onstage – the “reliably funny” part.  You go home loving those comedians, because that selected “persona” is hilariously appealing.  But that is not the entire “them.”

Bringing to mind the James Taylor line I heard him deliver during a concert.  When somebody from the audience yelled out, “We love you!” Taylor immediately replied,

“That’s because you don’t know me.”

Sure, there are times I delete things that show me not at my best.  (Or I leave them out in the first place.)  But I’m not talking about that today, or probably ever, so don’t expect a post entitled, “’Things I Exclude From My Post Because Who Needs The Rejection And Abuse, Heaping Increased Scorn On A Minority That Has Enough Trouble As It Is?”  Or something shorter.

What I am talking about is once I decide what I will put in, I continue tinkering with the material.  Why would I do that?  To make it sound more genuinely “me”?  The most genuine “me” is the fumbling bumbler who spoke first.

Last thing before the last thing.

It’s true that writers always rewrite – clarifying story points, deepening characters, tightening the action.

But rewriting yourself?  Why? 

“And now, ‘The Real Me’.”  “Wait, now ‘The Real Me’.’”  “No, now, ‘The Real Me’.”

And it’s not just in blog posts.  I rewrite emails, revise “Thank you” notes, punch up grocery lists.  Like the original was not exactly what I meant.  But if it was not exactly what I meant, why exactly did I write it? 

Who’s stopping me from getting “me” right the first time out of the box?

My friends are wrong.  My blog isn’t “so me.”  It is the Fifth Draft of “so me.”

Making me wonder, borderline worry:

Am I offering a “fraudulent representation of ‘myself’”?

I have occasionally thought, as a worthy experiment, of, just once, publishing the First Draft of one of my posts.  No second thoughts.  (Nor third, nor fourth, nor fifth.)   No changes.  Not even for “typos.”

I have thought about it.  But I have never done it, and I most likely never will.

Why not?

It wouldn’t be me.