"A Lifelong Connection"

Last night, they played “Game 7” of the first round of the National Hockey League playoffs between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Boston Bruins.  As is habitual, this post appears sloppily after the fact.  Although close. 

Anyway, here it is… anyway.

JOHN SEBASTIAN: (SINGING)  “Do you believe in magic…?”

Thanks for dropping by, John.  It gives the post a nice musical boost.

Now, in the context of “magic”,

I have proof. 

To legitimize my perspective, I dug meticulously through my archives, finding a copy of a column I had written for the Toronto Telegram in 1969.

This Xeroxed baby is fifty years old.

The piece I unearthed, entitled “Kitchen and Toilet Power” – Note:  Somebody else wrote that headline – concerned my uncanny ability to help my lifelong team – the Toronto Maple Leafs – win hockey games. 

It began like this:

“I have a fantastic power.  I can cause the Leafs to win hockey games.  Some power, huh?  Here’s how I do it.

“I’m watching a Leaf game on TV, and every time I leave the room, the Leafs score.  It never fails.  I haven’t seen a Leaf goal in ten years.  The last time I saw a Leaf player score was when Gerry James batted one into his own net in 1959.  But since then, nothing.  I’m always in the kitchen or in the washroom.  I flush and Keon scores – like he was programmed to do it.”

(Note:  You see?  I say “washroom.”  Somebody else wrote “toilet.”)

And now, back to the point.

That is exactly what happened.  I’d leave the room, and the Leafs almost immediately scored.  I could not fabricate the “Voodoo.”  And don’t think I did not try to.  The thing is, if I contrived a simulated departure from the room – visiting the kitchen for no reason, or go to the washroom and just stand there – it wouldn’t work.  It had to be real.

Once, I pretended I needed to “go”, and when I returned, not only did the Leafs not score, but in the next minute, the Leafs’ opponents scored twice, just to teach me a lesson.

“You do not mess with the ‘Voodoo’.”

I went on in that ancient column to describe my greatest triumph of all.  The last time the Leafs won the coveted Stanley Cup, symbolizing hockey supremacy for that season, was in 1967. 

Where was I in 1967?

I was in England. 

That’s right.  I left the country and the Leafs won.  You say that’s nothing?  Since my return to this continent, in the past fifty years, they have never won once.

I’m just sayin’…

The last time they won,

I was, figuratively, “not in the room.”

FLASH FORWARD TO 2019.

When you would think the symbiotic connection would have long since worn off. 

Now living in Los Angeles, I decide to check on the Leafs who had made it into the playoffs, finding Game 5 of the series on Channel 314.  (When it once appeared prominently on Channel 6.  Hockey enthusiasm, at least in the States, resides anonymously down the dial.)

It is the Third Period in a tense 0-0 hockey game.  I watch for one minute.  The Bruins score.

It happens.  Maybe a punishment for half a century of derelict support.

But that’s not the “Voodoo.”

Here comes the “Voodoo.”

I switch away, checking for revealed “blockbusters” in the Mueller Report.  I come back to the hockey game.

It is now 1-1. 

Meaning…

The Leafs scored while I was away.

I’m like, “Still?  Really?”

I watch the game for a while, nothing happens.  I click away to see how the Dodgers are doing.  I click back to the hockey game.

It is now 2-1, Toronto.

It would appear I still had it.

Winning the game, 2-1, he Maple Leafs had scored twice during my two absences.

It’s like I’m Superman, born with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men.  (And women.)

I can make my team score.  Just by not watching the game.

I take no credit for my awesome powers.

(As opposed to Austin Powers.)

That is simply the way it is.

Though I would love to watch my team win, if seems if I watch them, they won’t. 

So…

While others full-throatedly cheer, “Go Leafs, go!”, my personal mantra is – and must be –  

“Go, Earl, go!”