"A Weird But Wonderful Adventure"

Interrupting my scintillating struggle to quit television.  Not writing for it – television quit me.  I am talking about watching it.  I need to chronicle this while it’s still fresh in my mind.  So here we go. 

 “Start spreadin’ the news…”

A happy couple traveling to New York, free from “real life” trouble and travail.  Scheduled for a professional conference.  But including…

Warming reunions with old friends.

Accompanying cousins, watching their talented daughter perform in the “‘Fame” high school “Rising Stars” production.

Sumptuous dining in prominent eateries.

Unseasonably warm weather. (Some days, actually warmer than L.A.)

Interesting theater.  (More on that elsewhere.)

Visiting three galleries and “The Tenement Museum.” 

A highly satisfying trip to New York.  (Actually I did trip once, on the sidewalk.  A concerned passerby inquired, “Are you okay?”  My signature reaction:  “I don’t know yet.”  It turns out, I’m fine.)

Enjoyable times, all around.

But with detectable “strangeness” along the way.

Check it out.

On our “return flight”, the plane was considerably smaller than the plane flying out of L.A.  Noticing the disparity, I asked the flight attendant, not entirely seriously, “Do a lot of people fly to New York and just stay there?”  She said, “We use the same planes both ways.”

No, they didn’t.  The return “plane” had 32 rows in the “Main Cabin.”  On the flight out, we were seated in “Row 46.”  That would be bigger then, wouldn’t it? 

The flight attendant insisted.  They use the same planes both ways.

Which reminds me…

Once, dining after a long absence at an L.A. restaurant, I remarked to the waitress,

“I notice you don’t serve tapioca pie anymore.  That was my main reason for coming here.”

To which she replied,

“We never served tapioca pie.”

It was the same experience.  Like I had entered a “Parallel Universe” – totally identical, except for smaller “return” airplanes and deleted tapioca pie.

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Internet service at the hotel…

I tried to get on the Internet. 

Every day, it was different.

One day, there was a “Privacy” warning.  But, though I checked the “I Agree” box – I am not sure what I agreed to, I just wanted to get on the Internet – I could not get past that intervening disclaimer.

The next day, I could.  But found no accessible pathway to the Internet.

The next day, I got straight on the Internet without doing a thing.

The next day, I got on, but I had to pay for it.

And the last day, it was the “Privacy Warning”, and that’s it. 

I mean, it’s not like we changed hotels. 

Same hotel. 

Different Internet experience each day.

Oh, yeah.

Some days, the TV remote allowed us to change channels, and some days it didn’t.

Maybe it was the room.

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Call this one “Pilot Error.” 

But it fits, being equally bizarre.

Or perhaps even more so.

We stop at the theater box office to pick up the tickets we had purchased online.  We offer the printed “Confirmation.”  We are told,

“These tickets are for last week.”

The theater manager is summoned.  She says,

“We think we can accommodate you.”

Since the show’s not sold out, we are generously given some “empties.”

We are very relieved.

The performance begins…

And we are aware this is not the show we had thought we were seeing.

Apparently, somehow,

We had attended the wrong play on the wrong day.

(The “right” play’s review proclaimed, “It’s Seinfeld meets Rodgers and Hart, as directed by Woody Allen.  Which we would probably have enjoyed better.)

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Minor (inexplicable) glitches.

But we were together,

Enjoying the benefits of New York.

And we were not robbed in our room.

Imagine that.

Hawaii – Yes.

New York City – No.