"Back In The Saddle"

I feel like I’m on a roll.  The world seems to be noticing I’m here.  I got “Hopalong Cassidy” aired on “The Westerns Channel” and encouraged a successful solution to the on-ramp logjam on Fourth Street.

It seems propitious for a long-delayed submission of one of my efforts.

Dr. M discovered this glossy magazine called “Garden & Gun”, appreciating the quality writing and the interesting features on gardens.  The magazine’s less emphasized “Guns” part we simply ignore.  

I’ve wondered, with their tonal proclivity for earlier times, if they might consider a sample from my beloved – by me – cowboy book called “Saddle Up!”, presenting imagined the “personal reminiscences” of veteran performers on cowboy TV series and movies.

I hope they like this.

I hope you do too.

From the chapter entitled “Lead Characters”:

THE RANCHER’S DAUGHTER

Or

THE PROSPECTOR’S DAUGHTER

Or

THE BELEAGUERED STAGELINE OWNER’S DAUGHTER

Or

THE CRUSADING NEWSPAPERMAN’S DAUGHTER

Or

THE SHEEPMAN’S DAUGHTER

Or

THEIR NIECE

“I really wanted to play ‘The Dance Hall Girl.’ And I could easily have pulled it off – I had a cute little figure and I could really ‘sashay.’  Trouble is, I had this innocent “look.”  It couldn’t be further from the truth.  I married four cameramen.

“I’d made a name for myself in the theater, ‘type cast’ as the ‘Headstrong Young Heiress.’  ‘Who cares if he’s the gardener – I love him!’  But how many times can you reject your inheritance?   I decided to try Hollywood, in hopes of changing my luck.  And escaping the gossip about me and my latest director… which was accurate but ugly. 

“My untamable temperament made me perfectly suited for the girl whose rancher father… prospector brother… newspaper man uncle – they were essentially the same part – gets gunned down for defending their rights.  My job was to remain ‘defiant’ and not take the next stagecoach back East.  I didn’t do anything.  ‘Fighting for Justice’ was the ‘Good Guy’s’ job.  Frankly, I’d rather have played his part.

“My costumes – all cinched up and corseted – were stiflingly hot and horribly confining.  Nothing could ‘move’, if you know what I mean.  Why the ‘Good Guy’ was attracted to me, I have no idea.  I was only visible from the chin up.  With a hat and a veil?  Nothing!  Let me tell you, those sweltering days on location – I’d have killed for a ‘peasant blouse.’

“‘The Mexican Spitfire’, ‘The Indian Maid’ – again, both the same part – secretly loved the ‘Good Guy.’  And, believe me, those girls were hot!  Back then, though, that was ‘Strictly Verboten’, so the ‘Good Guy’ always picked me.  I am not sure how convincing that was.  I felt the audience thinking, ‘The guy could have done better.’

“Playing the ‘Leading Lady’, I got top billing – top salary… for a woman – a big dressing room – ‘Star Treatment’ all the way. 

“You know what?

“I’d have traded it all for a little cleavage.”