"A Tale Of Two Ice Creams"

Two customers waiting in line at an ice cream emporium.  They strike up a conversation.

CUSTOMER NUMBER ONE:  “Great day for an ice cream.”

CUSTOMER NUMBER TWO:  “When isn’t it?”

“Good point.”

A BEAT OF ICE-CREAM-LINE-WAITING SILENCE.  THEN…

“So what are you getting?”

“Chocolate.”

“You like chocolate, huh?”

“Always have.  Always will.”

“A lot of people like chocolate.”

“My crazy wife likes rum raisin but that nonsense thankfully didn’t rub off on the kids.  They’re ‘all in’ with the chocolate.”

“Kind of a family tradition.”

“As far back as I can remember.  My late granddad used to bring chocolate ice cream cones for the kids, my older brother and I.  He’d have them put chocolate sprinkles on the top.  I just stick with the ice cream.  I have my limits, even with chocolate.”

“Gotcha". 

A BEAT OF ICE-CREAM-LINE-WAITING SILENCE.  THEN…

“Ever try anything else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Anything other than chocolate.”

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, for variety?”

“Strange question.  ‘Did you ever try anything else?’  Why would I try something else when I really like chocolate?”

“Well, you never know.  There may be something out there you might like even better.” 

“I like chocolate.”

“I know, and you are totally entitled to your preference.  It’s just, you never know until you try.  You might actually be missing something.”

“I like chocolate.”

ANOTHER BEAT OF ICE-CREAM-SERVICE WAITING SILENCE.

“You know, I kind of resent what you’ve been driving at.”

“We’re just talking about ice cream.”

“I’m getting this unspoken feeling of smugness.” 

“What do you me…?”

It’s like, ‘Just chocolate, huh?  Never tried anything else?  What an idiot!’”

“I never called you an...”

“You just as good as did.  All those flavors, one of which ‘I might even like better’?  You’re saying I’m an idiot for liking one thing and sticking to my guns.”

“Not at all.  I just said there are alternatives and that you might enjoy sampling one of them.” 

“Oh, so you’re one of those guys.  You can’t decide, so you’re up there going, ‘Can I taste this?’  ‘Can I taste that?’  You know, it’s people like you that make the wait so long.”

“You’re blaming me for the wait?”

“It’s sure not the people who know what they want.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Well, you don’t have a favorite ice…”

“I do have a favorite – mint chocolate chip.  But I don’t always get it.  Sometimes, I get coconut almond fudge.”

“What else, besides those fancy flavors?’

“Actually, those are my two favorites.”

“So that’s what you order?”

“Yeah, if they have them.”

“So let’s see, now.  You’re on my case for ordering the same thing all the time and you order two things?  That’s just one more than I order.”

“I have sampled a lot of flavors.”

“Because you can’t make up your mind.” 

“I can make up my mind.  I just like to give the other flavors a chance.”

“So now I’m prejudiced.”

“I’m sorry… what?”

“I won’t ‘give the other flavors a chance.’  It’s like some tribal thing:  ‘My people like chocolate; everyone else are weird, dumb and inferior.’  You know, I’ll bet you never even tried chocolate.  Oh, no.  That’s for ‘the common folk’.”

“I don’t know where you’re getting this from.”

“I’m getting it from your condescending tone of voice.  The minute you started talking, I got this sense you thought you were better than I am.  You picked up ‘signals’ from my clothes or my military-style haircut and right away it’s like, ‘I’ll bet he never tried “raspberry sorbet” in his life!’  I do not like people putting me in a box, okay?”  

“All right!  Simmer down!”

“‘Simmer down.’  Because we’re some kind of cowboys.”

“I like cowboys.”

“And because that’s how ‘We’ are – ‘uncontrollable Yahoos.’  You keep this up and I’m going out to my ‘pick-up’ and coming back with a shotgun.  Which I do not have either of.  I keep my guns in the house, and I’m driving a minivan.  You probably think you know all about me, who I voted for, and everything.  You might be right about that, but that is not why I like chocolate.  Or a lot of other things you’d imagine I like and don’t like and you’d be wrong.  I watch figure skating on television.  You did not see that coming, did you?”

“You know what?  Maybe we should stop talking.”

“Fine with me.  I didn’t start this conversation.  I like to keep to myself.  And not make stereotyped judgments about people.”    

“CUSTOMER NUMBER TWO” REACHES THE FRONT OF THE LINE.

“Chocolate!”

“CUSTOMER NUMBER TWO” GETS HIS CONE, PAYS, AND TURNS TO EXIT.

(PASSING “CUSTOMER NUMBER ONE”)  “You see how fast that was?”

“CUSTOMER NUMBER TWO” EXITS.  “CUSTOMER NUMBER ONE” STEPS TO THE COUNTER.   HE THINKS ABOUT ORDERING CHOCOLATE TO MAKE SOME VAGUE, IDEOLOGICAL POINT, THEN HE STRENTHENS HIS RESOLVE.

“Can I taste the Butterscotch Burgundy?” 

THE ICE CREAM SERVICE PERSON REACHES TOWARDS THE SAMPLE SPOON JAR.

“Wait.  Make it the mint chocolate chip.”

DISSOLVE TO:  EXTERIOR ICE CREAM EMPORIUM PARKING LOT, MOMENTS LATER.

CUSTOMER NUMBER ONE:  “Hey, I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot in there.”

CUSTOMER NUMBER TWO:  “No big deal.  I get a little hot-headed about the chocolate.”

“I was just wondering, do you think people can disagree without getting really upset with each other?”

“With a mutual respect, I see no reason cooler heads couldn’t prevail.”

“I used to believe that.  But I am beginning to think otherwise.”

“So what does that make me?  Stupid?”

FADE OUT, WITH NO HARM DONE.  BUT WITH THE WORRYING CONCERN FOR AN IMPENDING CATACLYSM.