"Word On The Street"

Selected quotes from columns published in London’s “Timeout Magazine”, subtitled “The Most Ridiculous Things We’ve Overheard in London This Week.”  (Though, somewhat contradictorily, thee column also solicits reader submissions.)

Okay, here we go. 

And remember, please…

They’re English.

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“I don’t like chocolate raisins.  That’s the reason I have trust issues.”

“I wouldn’t marry anyone that doesn’t eat solids.”

“If I binge drink every night, is it still called binge drinking?”

“One of my best New Year’s Eves was when I beat an eight year-old at chess.”

“He was a real nice guy but he looked like Hitler.”

“I’ve never had a girlfriend I didn’t know about.”

“Clearly there’s a reason nostrils are the same size as fingers.”

“Goatees just make mouths look like bumholes.”

“I was so drunk, I made out with a short black dude thinking that he was a tall white girl.”

“Raisins are the fruit equivalent of dead people.”

“The world is your lobster.”

“Imagine how long it would take to butter a towel.”

“You can’t be a peaceful pirate.  That’s like being a celibate prostitute.” 

“I hate children with handbags.”                                                                    

“I always get Tudors and Jews mixed up.”

“I’ve always wanted my own dungeon.”

“He’d look great in a wheelchair.”

NOTE:  I wonder if reprinting collected overheard comments is plagiarism?

Maybe I should send that in.