tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78236256366756424092024-03-14T04:07:43.873-07:00Earl Pomerantz: Just Thinking...A regular person thinks about things and then writes about them.Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.comBlogger3092125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-74808860378384307382020-01-29T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-29T04:00:04.931-08:00"Intermission"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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Troubling eye problem.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Can’t write.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Be back when I can.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the meantime, thanks for the company.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ve never had more fun writing.<br />
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So long.<br />
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And as The Cisco Kid used to say,</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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“See you soon, Ha!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com54tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-40269707787016822142020-01-28T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-28T04:00:10.190-08:00"Forgiving Jack Kelly"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It's time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been down on this guy since 1957.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for no really good reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Although when did “intense grievance” require
rational justification?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My longstanding beef with Jack Kelly is quite simple.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He was not James Garner.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which will make immediate sense to any <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maverick </i>fan, though even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they</i>
likely got over it, and I didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just
last night, I “surfed” to a rerun of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maverick
</i>on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Westerns Channel</i> and it
was Jack Kelly and I spontaneously went “Awww.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which led me to think maybe it was time I should stop doing
that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unable to keep up with its breakneck production schedule,
they decided to halve the load and have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">two</i>
“Mavericks” simultaneously cranking out episodes, one starring the original “Bret”,
the other starring the mandatorily “B” name-starting “Bart.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(There was later <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">also</i> a “Beau” and a “Brent.”)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The glaring problem was that “Bret”, played by James Garner,
“had it” and “Brother Bart”, played by Jack Kelly, did <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s why, for over sixty years, I have tuned in to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maverick </i>rooting for “Bret” episodes,
and griping vociferously when confronted by “Barts.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both of them played essentially the same character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Recent research reveals they played <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exactly</i> the same character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Producer Roy Huggins “… insisted the writers
visualize Garner as ‘Maverick’ while writing {all of} the scripts.”)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A dapper, card-playing reluctant hero, is what he was, no
matter who played him, the spectacular Garner, or the thundering disappointment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The unique “anti-hero” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">persona</i>
is why I enjoyed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maverick</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although he inevitably did the right thing, it
took (either) Maverick longer to get there than any other hero on television,
which made the series stand out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone else was itchin’ for a ruckus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maverick – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">whoever</i> it was – itched for a “Full House” and a tasty cigar.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thing is, with his irrepressible twinkle, James Garner
could naturally pull that “Reluctant Hero” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shtick</i>
off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Essentially playing it throughout
his career, from T.V’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Rockford Files
</i>to feature films like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Support Your
Local Sheriff</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Americanization
of Emily.</i>)<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jack Kelly had no twinkle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He had a hat and a horse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kelly was capable enough performer, acting in scripts
written with another actor in mind. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who
knows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe if they had tailored the
scripts specifically for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>PRODUCER</u></i>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“An ‘okay actor’ with no twinkle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Make me some magic, boys!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sound like a “Winning Formula” to you?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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They’d have been better off giving his character a distinguishing
“hook”, like one arm, or something. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(<u>Note</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hook” is a show biz term, meaning “an
identifiable characteristic.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not mean
to infer the missing appendage had been replaced by a hook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although shuffling cards with one hand… Nah.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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You know what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say
“Let’s bury the hatchet.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Although I am
unaware of Jack Kelly having any grievance against <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i>, so it’s a one-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sided</i>
“bury the hatchet.”) <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The next time I turn on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maverick
</i>and it’s Jack Kelly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> James
Garner, I will <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i>act like,<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Ladies and Gentlemen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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will be Florence Henderson.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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From now on, I take Jack Kelly exactly as he is:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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A man playing James Garner.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Without the twinkle.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-27319916586614935242020-01-27T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-27T04:00:00.757-08:00"It's All In The 'Tude'"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Watching Tom Hanks recently receive the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Golden Globes’s </i>“Cecil B. De Mille Award for Lifetime Achievement and
Impact on the Entertainment Industry” took me back to me, sitting gloomily in
the “Tea Room” at London’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">St. John’s
Church of England Infants and Junior School.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mind works
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in His image.<o:p></o:p></div>
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There I was – 1967 – a man with vague show biz aspirations and
currently dismal prospects, sipping my tea with this funereal mask on my face,
looking so distraught that fellow teacher Mr. Rowbotham said to me,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Don’t worry, Earl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It probably won’t happen.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To which I sadly replied,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Watching this year’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Golden
Globes </i>I wondered if now show biz icon Tom Hanks felt the same way, mired
in the sitcom nadir of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bosom Buddies</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I suspect he did not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Because of five words.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tom Hanks is not me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For if he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">were</i>…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><u>Note</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Early in his career Tom Hanks headlined a TV
series in which he and Peter Scolari dressed up as women to avail themselves of
the low rent at a “Women-Only” hotel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okay, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now</i> go.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>FADE IN</u>:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
INT. TOM HANKS’S, IF HE WERE ME, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">BOSOM BUDDIES </i>DRESSING ROOM. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
THE ACTOR IS CHANGING COSTUMES BEFORE SHOOTING A FANCY-DRESS
BALL SCENE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>HE IS NOT ENTIRELY ALONE.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>TOM HANKS, IF HE
WERE ME</u></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">hate</i> this!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>TOM HANKS’S GENERIC
AGENT</u></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What’s wrong, Boobie?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“What’s wrong?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
an actor hoping for great roles, and here I am, rolling on tights and plucking
my eyebrows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it</i>, Larry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am telling you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“It’s a step up from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mazes
and Monsters.</i>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Which, may I remind you, you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">also</i> got me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What am I doing
here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can I show what I’ve got, acting
in this terrible sitcom?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Correction. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘Starring </i>in this terrible sitcom.’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Meaning I am contractually bound to this turkey for seven
years.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Nah. It'll l be
cancelled way before that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Great.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You’re a tough guy to please, Tommy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(If it were me.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“How did this happen, playing a man playing a woman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother watched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said ‘Which one were you?’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“So it’s working!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(THE
LINE IS MET WITH A MURDEROUS GLARE)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
telling you. You, teetering on high heels?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hilarious!”</span>
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: red;">“This is so low.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You mean this is so <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">high!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>Listen to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What arguably – and with some people no ‘arguably’
about it – is the funniest movie comedy ever made?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sullivan’s Travels?</i>”</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Some Like It Hot!” </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretty good company, wouldn’t you say? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jack Lemmon?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Tony Curtis?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘Tom Hanks?’”</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Small difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That</i> was Billy Wilder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see Billy Wilder around here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because Billy Wilder doesn’t do <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sitcoms!</i>”
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Are you kidding?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fedora?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>He would kill to be back in 'cross-dressing
comedy.'<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am making a note. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Call Billy Wilder.’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“You know Billy Wilder?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“I know where he eats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I could casually pop by his table and…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“And what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Say ‘Excuse
me, “Mr. All-Time Great Writer-Director.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you think you could you find time in your feature-film-making schedule
to direct a half-hour episode for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ABC</i>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The money’s not great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when they rerun it, they pay you
again.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Listen to me…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I’m not finished.
‘It’s about two men who dress up as women. Curtis and Lemmon? No.
Hanks and Scolari.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Listen to me, I will say once again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are starring in a nationally broadcast
television show.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More people see you
than ever went to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sunset Boulevard</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Is that true?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“I will look it up later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hey, I know this ain’t Ibsen – was that right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">Yes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“I pulled it out of a hat… but it’s only a start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knows where this could lead?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I’m<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>afraid it
will lead <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nowhere</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, let’s get real here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someday, they may be casting the role of a
character stricken with a horrible disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What do you think?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Let’s give it
to the guy wearing a tutu’? <o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">(AFTER A PENSIVE MOMENT)</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">What if this is as good as it gets for me?</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;">What do I do then?”</span></span><br />
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone has standards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mine, in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i>
context, are apparently quite high. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meaning I enjoy less,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But complain more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think today about “single-panel” cartoons and the all-time
greats in the field, like the recently late Gahan Wilson.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The oblivious blind man, pressing the doorbell at the School
of the Deaf.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That was his.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The desperate dentist, yanking a tooth so hard, the
patient’s entire skull flies out his agonized mouth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That was his too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see what I mean?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those
images are unique, explosive and indelibly memorable.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Something has happened to the majority of “single-panel” cartoons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They rarely surprise me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or if they do, they surprise me in a “So
what?” kind of a way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A lot of cartoonists lean on the workmanlike formula of “incongruous
juxtaposition.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as with crudely
off-color jokes, simple “incongruous juxtaposition” is not enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those jokes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">also</i>
have to be funny.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A beached whale, wearing jockey shorts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the caption says:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“The <u>one</u> day I
don’t put on clean underwear.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whales in jockey shorts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>An “incongruous juxtaposition.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">then</i> what?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The shoreline waters are glutted with black.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A recognizable bottle lies capsized in the
distance, draining its pollutant into the sea. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the caption says:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“There has been a
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ink spill” replacing “oil spill.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But beyond “incongruous juxtaposition”, what
exactly’s the point?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This one actually lampoons the “incongruous juxtaposition”
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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</span>And the caption says:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Caption: we work in
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This exposing depiction of the way most cartoons are constructed
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know there are many laugh-inducing cartoons, and feel free
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“unreachable” standards, I’m looking for “sublime.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rivaling my favorite:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A car drives by a rural farmhouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the caption says:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Number of Tllda
Swinton spottings in Kansas – zero.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or a juxtaposition, serving an actual comedic idea.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Picture of a galley ship, with the oars flailing madly in
every direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the caption (from a
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Come on, guys. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
only a bee.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The best are the best because they’re the best.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just wish there were more of them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, if there were more of them “the best” wouldn’t be
special, so I suppose I should be grateful for the pedestrian ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I’m not.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-51399911454509129652020-01-23T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-23T04:00:03.944-08:00"The Brotherly Test"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Earlier this month (January the Sixth), my brother had a
humorous commentary published in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The New
Yorker</i> magazine, chronicling “The Untold Story” of Albert Einstein.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I was not sure how I would feel about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the years, I had submitted several commentaries
to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The New Yorker</i>, and had had all of
them rejected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In response to my
submissions, I received a quarter of a piece of paper that essentially said
“No.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could have been smaller – how
much paper does “No” take? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A rolled-up
fortune cookie message:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe the really bad submissions received that, and I was proportionally
honored by the rejecting quarter of a page. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>
happened, “that” being my brother’s noteworthy achievement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I was curious how I’d react.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew I would inevitably find out, because companion
to “How do I know what I think till I hear what I say?” there is “How do I know
how I feel till I see what I do?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what did I do?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the family arrived the weekend after the publication, I
found myself standing at the front door, clutching the<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> New Yorker</i> in my non-door-opening hand, my extended index finger
“bookmarking” the relevant page, figuratively if not literally frantically
jumping up and down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could not wait to show it around.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My daughter Anna was excited just seeing the name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After reading it, my two sons-in-law pronounced
the work consecutively “great” and “very witty.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a shame my family’s not bigger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d have shown it to them too!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ever-loyal Anna suggested I should now “top” him. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Ignoring my entire career in the process.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I knew that was not necessary.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the smoldering “Battle of the Brothers” our mother had
already made the determining call.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And here’s how.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a young adult, my brother boldly announced: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m going to be a comedian.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To which my mother reflexively replied,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Who do you think you are, Jerry Lewis?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later, at a similar age, I, though certainly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">less</i> boldly, announced:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m going to be a comedian.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To which our mother reflexively replied,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Who do you think you are, Jack Benny?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our mother, always astute in these matters, had made the
distinguishing decision, which was this:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She believed I wasn’t a better comedian than my brother
wasn’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I won.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As for his appearance in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New
Yorker</i> – which I commend to your attention – I can feel it right now – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The electric grin on my face that says,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Nice goin’!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is there envy?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Feelings of competitiveness?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But topping everything else by miles, there is…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Pomerantz Pride.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if
they’d be interested in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A brother’s reaction to…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: blue;">“Stop it!”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-41331171657135980622020-01-22T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-22T04:00:03.107-08:00"Parallel Universe"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">While on vacation I
read this article in the Honolulu Star-Advertiser, reprinted from a national
news service. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not save it, because
I was on vacation, and because, well… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you’ll see.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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On Sunday December 29, 2019, a man walked into a Texas church,
killed two people and was then <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">himself</i>
killed by a member of the armed church “Security Team.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Although an obvious tragedy, there was a clear sense that arming
the church’s “Security Team”, had been the right thing to do, as taking out the
shooter had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">”… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>saved an untold number of lives.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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(<u>Note</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
double-homicide in the church sactuary followed the earlier Church of
Sunderland Springs (Texas) mass shooting that left 26 people dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A law allowing guns in church was then enacted
to help avoid such terrible episodes in the future.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Aside from mourning the slain parishioners, the prevailing reaction
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to the quick and heroic reactions of those ‘safety members’ inside the church.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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The sensible message:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Be prepared.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Days later, a follow-up article found Jack Wilson, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“a 71 year-old former reserve deputy sheriff
{who} took out the shotgun-wielding suspect with a single shot to the head
during services”</i> explaining, ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I don’t
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A local response to Democratic presidential candidate
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“He apparently wishes
Wilson had been unarmed and thus unable to defend his fellow congregants.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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This is so weird.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Following the thought process of those Texas parishioners,
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Except, to me – and maybe others as well…<o:p></o:p></div>
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It doesn’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-62774697023639642502020-01-21T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-21T04:00:00.911-08:00"Flarme Up - Flame Out"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
t is understandably frustrating to believe you have talent
in your chosen field of endeavor yet you enjoy no critical acceptance or commercial
success. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But consider now this:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You have spectacular critical and commercial success in your
chosen field of endeavor and then, with your prodigious abilities still
actively intact, the hot reception abruptly and permanently disappears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s like, “What happened?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Did they forget I was good?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The answer to that question, at least in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i> credible context, came to me in the
Preston Sturges book, which I shall not complete because the writing is flat
and the print is too small.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fortunately, the stuff that interested me sufficiently to
merit this post arrived before my eyes started to hurt, so I can quit on Page
23.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And not a moment too soon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though one of the great, admired, and respected Hollywood
writer-directors of all time, Preston Sturges’s spectacular heyday began and ended
in approximately two years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It appears inconceivable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before his “Big Break” it was, “They don’t know what they’re
missing.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And after those two years, it
was, like, “They don’t know what they’re missing., and they just saw me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> it, four pictures in a row!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although Sturges was notoriously poor in the Kindergarten
category of “Plays well with others”, the book provides an interesting
alternate reason for his meteoric rise and equally meteoric descent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both tumultuous changes in Sturges’s life can be explained
by exactly the same reason:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cultural timing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And at that moment in history, the American culture moved
fast.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cultural timing informs the aspirations of all of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not as dramatically as it did with
Sturges.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listen to this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1940<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Sturges’s first written-and-directed movie <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Great McGinty</i> came out, the book
proclaims,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“S<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">turges’s new film
made such an impact because it tentatively moved from the style of comedy
prevalent in the more carefree decade</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of the 1930’s </i>{at least in movies}<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">, and took steps towards the much more edgy,
morally ambivalent filmmaking that was to characterize the 1940’s.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In less words, the guy was ahead of his time, and, lucky for
him, the times fortuitously caught up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three tonally similar films later, when Sturges’s follow-up
outing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Palm Beach Story</i> met with
a weaker critical reception the book suggests,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“It may be that, by
the time of its release in late 1942, America’s entry into World War II had
created a more earnest mindset among the critics, and it appeared to be too
superficial, almost too lighthearted for the mood of the nation.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And there you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“The Times” took the man up and, stunningly quickly, they brought him
back down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sturges coasted on his
previous successes for a while and then he was finished, though he still feverishly
continued to pitch projects, believing he “still had it”, which he did.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was just the wrong “it” for subsequent eras.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">World
War II</i>, positive <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mr. Blandings Builds
His Dream House</i>-type movies made Sturges’s challenging “take” on our
cultural <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mores</i> feel unwelcome and ancient.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel sad writing that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Great work, adulation and commercial success, for a brief period of time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nada.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though Sturges always believed he’d be back, suggesting his
fueling “Recipe for Success” included a heaping helping of self-deceit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Family friend Phil Bloom successfully sold “Men’s Hats” in
Toronto, till the automobile companies lowered the roofs and hats no longer fit
comfortably inside the cars.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess it’s like that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You’re a big hit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Till they lower the roof.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-70788644824580686152020-01-20T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-20T04:00:03.314-08:00"Hawaiian Vacation - A Thousand Words"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-5315153602704450262020-01-17T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-17T04:00:01.002-08:00"It's Everywhere!"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Tiring of our culinary options, Dr. M and I shuttled to a
nearby hotel, where we enjoyed a fine lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Until the check came.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That place was more expensive that our place.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And our place was ridiculous.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Awaiting the return shuttle to our hotel – “complimentary”
to make up for twelve-fifty “Smoothies” – we were approached by a hyper-chatty
“Car Jockey” from the place where we’d consumed our hideously overpriced lunch,
eager to fill the time for a tip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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“What’s ‘Original Six’?” he asked, reading the crown of the
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<br /></div>
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“The original six teams in the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">National Hockey League,</i>” I explained.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Oh, the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maple Leafs</i>!”
he crowed with Polynesian excitement, mixed with tropical incongruity.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“They’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i> if
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<br /></div>
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I then removed my cap, showing him the included six original
team “logos.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which he began confidently
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“The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Red Wings</i>,
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He then started to falter.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oilers</i>.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“No.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“No.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I then correctly filled in the blanks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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“The <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Canadiens</i> and
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“What team won the most championships?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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Earning a vindicating chuckle for himself while sending
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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Everywhere you look, you find vying geographical entities:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Toronto – Montreal.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Maui – Oahu.<o:p></o:p></div>
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San Francisco – L.A. <o:p></o:p></div>
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New Orleans – Baton Rouge.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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Bismarck – Fargo <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
Sao Paolo and Rio.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Moscow and St.Petersburg<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tel Aviv and Jerusalem.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cape Town and Johannesburg. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Melbourne and Sydney.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Venus and Jupiter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To name just eleven.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I am sure there are more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(You may be pondering an adversarial pairing right
as we speak.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Throughout the world – and arguably beyond – it’s<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We’re great, and you suck!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A benign intense animosity.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The only difference was,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ours was on skates.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-68478883475664346942020-01-16T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-16T04:00:08.439-08:00"The Second Thing I Learned About Hawaii..."<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">… casting, as never
before, serious questions about the first thing.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No good when that happens.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like what I know to remain immutably certain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rocks are hard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marshmallows are soft.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And they will never <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ever</i>
change places.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You will never bite into a marshmallow and go, “Ow!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No one will ever roast rocks, slathered in melted chocolate,
over an open campfire.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rocks are hard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Marshmallows are soft.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ahhhhhhhh.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sound of me, basking in immutable certainty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s what I was certain of about Hawaii.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Late 19<sup>th</sup> century, America came in, and took over
the whole place.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We are here to protect you from your enemies”, it was
explained to Hawaiian Queen Lydia Liliuokalani.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To which she replied,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If you are here to protect me from my enemies, why are your
guns pointed in the direction of my palace, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> in the direction of my enemies?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good question, wouldn’t you say?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, America got Hawaii for strategic purposes – refueling
and such, first for battleships, later, for airplanes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And because of this shameful injustice, from
the time of our first visit, I taught my young daughter to say quietly to all
our restaurant servers, or least think real loudly:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am sorry we took your island.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never liked what we did to Hawaii.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have enough <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">California Pizza Kitchens</i> on the American mainland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do not need any more of them out here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(<u>Note</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was “out here” when I wrote this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All around, I see Paradise, with strip malls.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Immutable certainty”?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This thing was bad.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, a few months ago, I am watching this historian being interviewed
on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">C-SPAN</i>,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>talking about this self-same subject.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It appeared he agreed with me on the matter, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>which is always delightful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then, near the end of the program, he
said an approximation of this:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The thing is, if America had not annexed Hawaii, somebody
else <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would</i> have.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most specifically, he professionally opined, Germany.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Can you imagine <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>
in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">World War II?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Ve attack Santa
Monica is fife minutes!”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’ve</i> had to.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If we had not annexed Hawaii, somebody else <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would</i> have.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Assuming that assertion is correct – and it feels like it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">might</i> be – <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It does not make our actions all right.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">does</i> make
them more nuanced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where does that leave <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i>?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I guess,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With softer rocks.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And harder marshmallows.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-53796306380939019072020-01-15T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-15T04:00:06.761-08:00"THe Moving Maui Medicine Show"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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When on vacation, at a certain age, you take a whole pharmacy
along <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with</i> you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Or the seeming equivalent thereof.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Minus the lottery tickets and “Greeting Cards.”)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On our recent excursion to Maui, my regular pill regimen was
augmented by part-time prescriptions for passing proclivities.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Check out all of those “p’s!”)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not only does that mean there is more to pack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It means added attention to schedules and
instructions:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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One pill is “Every six hours.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(With food.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another’s “Four times a day.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Without</i>
food.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A third one is “Twice Daily, Up Your Nose.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is (fortunately) a nose spray.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This rigorous routine not only means remembering when to
take them. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also means, considering the
first two, carrying them around, so that, when I am slated to take them , I do
not have to run back to the room eight times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(As they must not overlap,)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That’s a lot of running back to the room.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Then, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">besides </i>packing<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>those added medicaments, there are the
pills I take regularly every day, most of them in the morning but a couple of them
at night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each set is stored in a
day-delineating plastic pill case, the “A.M.” one, due to its greater content
requirements, larger than the “P.M.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Then,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: blue;">“There’s another
‘then”?”<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last one, I promise.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then there are the supplements, prescribed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> by M.D.’, but suggested instead –
because they work for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them</i> – by
long-time acquaintances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
recommendation comes from my piano teacher, another’s from my pilates
instructor, and one’s from a former gym trainer who reputedly took drugs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hey , I listen to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everyone!<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, however, to somewhat lighten the load I have taken
to forgetting the supplements and packing only the “necessities.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s like I believe in those things at home. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when I’m away, I subscribe to what my
cousin Allan’s father told him when he asked, “What do vitamins do?” and he
said, “Make money for the company.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s like Jews who eat pork, but just “out.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I take vitamins, but just “in.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why do I take <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything?<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well I guess it’s like this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Somebody once asked me, “How are you doing?” and I said,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am ‘living on borrowed pills.’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(As in, “I am ‘living on borrowed
time.’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although if you have to explain
them…)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know if that’s true, “I am ‘living on borrowed
pills.’”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But just in case.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like bringing them along.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-45032348170402998132020-01-14T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-14T04:00:00.440-08:00"The Game I Still Play"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hurt my foot, exercising.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was entirely my fault. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was doing the “Step” series, where you step
up on a box – “Left foot, right foot” – then you step down – “Left foot, right
foot.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Repeat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am supposed to do ten repetitions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But my sagacious “Inner Voice” says,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’ve had months of bronchitis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do six.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being stubborn – and showing off for my trainer – <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do ten.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though the last four feel “funny.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I am unable to put weight on my left foot and the thing’s
puffed up like a<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Macy’s Thanksgiving Day</i>
balloon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sagacious “Inner Voice” heartlessly
says,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You do ten, you get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that!</i>”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I lie nervously on a gurney – is there any other way to
lie on a gurney? – in a cubicle at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Saint
John’s Hospital</i> “Emergency”, waiting for the X-ray to be read to see if my
fat foot’s actually broken.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which I am certain it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not because I am a stealth orthopedist, which I am <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>, or a congenital pessimist, which I
am.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But because that’s the game that I play.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And always have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(If by “always” you accept the approximated “since I was
four.”)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">17 Claxton Boulevard,
Toronto.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A lot of kids on our street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Neighbor Tommy Sullivan makes up a game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First of the week, we put our names on small slips of paper and
drop them into an old <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kleenex </i>box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Friday, the name that’s drawn out wins a
bag of much-enjoyed cookies, possibly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dare’s</i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Chocolate Chips</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I don’t remember because I was four.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the deal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The moment I drop in my name, I go,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am not going to win.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To the chagrin of my much put-upon brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was great self-control and fear of our
mother that kept him from retaliating.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And who <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wouldn’t</i>
have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I am not going to win.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I am not going to win.” – through five entire
days, including “Lights out” at bedtime?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With any sense, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’d </i>have
pummeled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">myself!</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Friday finally comes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And wouldn’t you know it?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I win!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wrong lesson learned:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I proclaim what I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">don’t</i>
want to happen, what I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> want to
happen will then magically transpire.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This should not reasonably occur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Outcomes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ought</i>
to be random.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And most likely they are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still, I persist with this subterfuge. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My entire life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like I am “King of the Universe.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And through this hocus-pocus procedure,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I get to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Decide</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ergo, “My foot’s definitely broken.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So it definitely <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">won’t
</i>be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That is so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stupid</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The X-ray comes back.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There is no evidence of fracture to your foot.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And there you have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At least twice – when I was four and when I was seventy-four – the game
that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shouldn’t</i> have worked <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">worked</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What are my chances of giving it up?<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-20690505045977235382020-01-13T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-13T04:00:02.328-08:00"The Best Movie Ever (Not My Favorite But Maybe It Should Be)"<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The best movies, for me, are the ones that mix disparate elements – mayhem and merriment, fact-based and fantasy – without, unlike this sentence, being awkward and clunky during the process.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Say hello to <i>Sullivan’s Travels</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
In 1941, writer-director Preston Sturges wanted to make a film spoofing tedious preachiness in onscreen comedies. (I don’t know for sure but (SEE {probably} Frank Capra.<u>)</u><i> </i>In response, Sturges made <i>Sullivan’s Travels</i>– a preachy comedy, spoofing preachy comedies.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
The preachy message, however, instead of “This is essentially a wonderful country”, was about comedy itself, specifically the blessing of making films that induce nourishing laughter, since, quoting the last line of the movie about comedy entertainment:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
There'a a lot to be said about making people laugh. Did you know that's all some people have? “It isn’t much. But it’s all we have in this cockeyed caravan.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
I endorse the sentiment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
And I adore “cockeyed caravan.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<u>Very Brief Summary:<o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Fed up Hollywood director John Sullivan, maker of hit box-office fluff like <i>Hey Hey in the Hayloft an . Ants in Your Plants of 1939. </i>yearns to make meatier movies dealing with the desperate plight of the Depression-Era downtrodden. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
After some funny false starts, and a guy getting hit by a train – <u>Note:</u> “Disparate mixture of elements” – Sullivan winds up sentenced to six years working on a –<i>“Huh!</i>” – chain gang. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Later, as the invited guests of a nearby impoverished black church, the shackled felons watch a “Disney” cartoon, the incarcerated and poor, and Sullivan himself, laughing uproariously, feeling liberating relief.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Illustrating the film’s message, quoted several paragraphs above.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
With <i>Sullivan’s Travels</i>Preston Sturges made the movie he wanted, and it shows. How many films lampoon a Hollywood where executives assure the director he can make any picture he desires, with the ironclad addendum – “…. but with a little sex in it” – then throws in a scene where a thuggish derelict chasing five-dollar bills gets whisked away by a hurtling choo-choo?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Immunized by the satirical subject matter, I can imagine a chuckling Sturges , getting a ludicrous story “Note”, saying,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
“That’s dumb enough to go into this script.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
And then using it!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
You can do that when your last picture makes money. And in ’41, Preston Sturges was riding the crest. (Of show biz success.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
Coincidentally – or it inspired this post, I cannot now recall which – I am about to read a biography of Sturges, co-written by his son. I am aware he led a roller-coaster life, both creatively and personally. But in 1941, Preston Sturges was at the height of his powers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<i>Sullivan’s Travels </i>bristles with energy, confidence, inspiration and life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Cambria; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
What in <i>the </i>movies – or in fact anywhere – can be better than that?<o:p></o:p></div>
Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-33470426863656898932020-01-10T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-10T04:00:02.758-08:00"Trash Vigil"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Written Friday,
December the 20<sup>th</sup>, the last trash pick-up day before Christmas.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">7:15 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do not how I got this assignment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it because Dr. M does everything else
besides changing the bulbs and winding the clock?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess that’s a possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Although I hesitate to inquire.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In any case, here I sit by the roadway outside our house,
poised to fulfill a year-end “Holiday Tradition”:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Presenting boxes of candy to the tripartite trash pick-up
team in our area – “Actual Trash”, “Recycling” and “Yard Waste.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(SUDDEN “CONSPIRACY INSIGHT”)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could the candy stores be behind this division
of garbage – once <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i> box, and now
three?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just asking… I mean, can you
truly trust people who have not really come clean about sugar?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not even sure the trash people <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want</i> candy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How exactly do
they even divvy up the box?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll take
the nuts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You take the nougats”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ge<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">t</i> it; it’s a
“gesture.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">They</i> remove our detritus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">We</i> give them cavities in their
teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, here I am, waiting to give garbage men candy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(During this annual “Distribution Ritual” I have seen nary a
single garbage woman.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(<u>Note</u>: In case you were curious, direct personal involvement
is necessary – rather than leaving the boxes on the top of the trash bins – due
to concerns that the candy might otherwise fall to unintended recipients. With
likely destructive consequences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though
some of their enclaves appear “Fully Loaded”, there is no assurance of the availability
of homeless dentists.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">7:30 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No action yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I have gotten a lot written.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">7:46 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Large vehicle street traffic, but no trash trucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If they don’t show soon, I am thinking of
giving candy to bus drivers.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have spoken
too soon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">7:51 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first “action” of the day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Actual Trash.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is only one man, so he gets the whole thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Short and sweet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We exchange “Merry Christmases”, and off he
goes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My job is one-third complete.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You ask, why do I wait outside?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I once waited inside and I missed the sound of the truck. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This caused me to belatedly dash outside and
race down the street to catch up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I was
past seventy at the time.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had not run
that fast since High School.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then,
Mr. Kelly was yelling at me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">8:05 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I look up the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is that a lumbering green vehicle heading my way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a “Trash
Truck Mirage.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, at least it’s not cold.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 320.75pt;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sorry... everywhere.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">8:22 A.M.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nope.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">8:37 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Glory be!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Recycling” has arrived!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We exchange holiday niceties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ask about “Yard Waste.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He says not for an hour.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
By the way, they are apparently now down to one trash worker
per truck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should we be think smaller
boxes of candy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be Scroogey.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">8:44 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am going inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Temporarily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Yard Waste” always
comes late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll be back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am one box from “Mission Accomplished.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t quit when I’m that close.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">9:02 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fleeting
thoughts of remaining inside, but I cannot abandon my post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one’s depending on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I can’t let them down.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The wait is long.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I have brought out a paper.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">9:34 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bored.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Newspaper
predictable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scary, but predictable. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The long dwait sends bad thoughts running
through my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forget candy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Let them eat ‘Yard Waste.’”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">9:57 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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I am now on the porch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It has a bench with a back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite
years of pilates, my “core” muscles remain too weak to hold me erect.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">10:27 A.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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I feel like Jimmy Stewart in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Spirit of St. Louis</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">12:02 P.M.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Job done.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Merry Christmas, Trash Guys.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And thanks for this post.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-78490066158240018872020-01-09T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-09T04:00:02.513-08:00"Two Horses, Still Talking"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: red;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>HORSE ONE</u></i>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Selfish.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>HORSE TWO</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>“Without question or doubt.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;">“Tell me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What other…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">“Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this a
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<span style="color: red;">“Yes.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">“I could tell from the adamant inflection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And likely concur at the end.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;">“Fine.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">“You may continue.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;">“Okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tell me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What other species makes another species ride
them around on their backs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does a chimp
ride a hyena?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does a squirrel climb on a
cat?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">(POINTS HOOF) “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To the
tree!’”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You’re right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they</i> that do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The accursed “Two-Leggers.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“It’s not like they have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no</i>
legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">They</i> can get places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(IN SUPREME EQUINE SARCASM)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">They</i>
want to go <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">faster</i>.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“So they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, not
satisfied with simply kicking us in the ribs,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(MORE EQUINE SARCASM), ‘thank you,’…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I know where you’re going with this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s the cruelest thing ever invented?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>HORSE ONE HORSE TWO</u></i>
(IN AGONIZED UNISON):<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“</i>Spurs!<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">”</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“It’s inhumane!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You would think they would <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">know</i> that. Having made up the<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet they ignore it with a careless impunity.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Right!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I am
buying ‘impunity.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like you, from the adamant
inflection.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“It’s not enough that they ride us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not enough that they have to kick us in the
ribs<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They kick us in the ribs with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sharp rotating pointy discs!</i>”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“They think it makes us go faster.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“It <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">does</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Of course it does.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But not because of the “signal.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We just want them to stop.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You know what’s actually more painful than ‘riding’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Hauling.’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tell</i> me about
it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You did ‘hauling’?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“My grandfather did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And he told me about it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Oh.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Back in the Old West, Grandpa used to ‘haul
stagecoach.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said sometimes, there
were teams of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">four</i> horses, and sometimes,
there were six. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“How did they decide?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I don’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
you can bet there was no thought for the horses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, it’s not like the ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Four</i>-Horsers’ hauled smaller
coaches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They just had to pull harder.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“It may have had something to do with equipment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Horses were cheap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Multiple reins were expensive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I heard that from a horse buyer so
I’m not sure it’s true.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“My Grandpa told me a secret.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know those hold-ups they had, when coaches
carried those big gold shipments?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Yeah?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“The teams deliberately slowed down for the outlaws, so when
they threw down the strongbox, the coach was easier to pull.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Revenge!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘Two-Leggers’ love gold more than running horses into the ground.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">(FIST-BUMPING THEIR FORE-HOOVES)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You got <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">dat</i>
right!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“All in all, you know what I think hurts the most?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Contest.’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“And <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we</i> came in ‘Third.’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“I understand dogs, I suppose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that anyone rides <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But cats?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dogs at least can be useful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cats just sit there and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">look</i> at you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“And if you treat them badly they can go the phone and call
lions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who can <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we</i> call?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unicorns?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">aren’t</i>
any unicorns.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You know – wrapping things up – I think life is just totally
random.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone mounts a horse on a
lark, and they ride us for the next two thousand years.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“‘A World of Chaos’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How can you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">live</i> like
that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If just not to go crazy, I have to
believe in a ‘Universal Plan.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I just wish it were a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">better</i>
one.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: red;">-----------------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="color: red;">I just remembered the origin of these two posts.</span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span>
While on a trail ride, about a hundred yards from the stable, my horse kneeled down and began to roll over. I assiduously jumped off, <span style="font-size: 12pt;">not wanting to be the next "Cole Porter Story." The horse then stood up and walked back to the barn alone.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">That's a rather clear statement, isn't it?</span><br />
<br />
"That's <i>it!</i>"<br />
<br />
When I footed my way back to the barn, I said,<br />
<br />
"My horse came back without me."<br />
<br />
Receiving the weak exonerating response,<br />
<br />
"He always does."<br />
<br />
Really?<br />
<br />
If I had known that I'd have picked a horse that finished the ride.<br />
<br />
With the rider still aboard.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
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</style>Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-79485123225939098562020-01-08T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-08T04:00:01.468-08:00"Two Horses Talking"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A continuing series
wherein the world goes mad and I’m fashioning doilies.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
TWO VENERABLE HORSES, MUNCHING GRASS IN THE PASTURE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(AS OPPOSED TO BEING “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">OUT</i> TO PASTURE, WHICH THEY ACTUALLY ARE BUT THEY THINK THEY’RE
STILL ACTIVE SO WHY SPOIL THE ILLUSION?)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>HORSE ONE</u></i>
(TO “HORSE TWO”):<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“HORSE TWO” CONTINUES DOING WHAT HE’S DOING, WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY
NOTHING IF YOU DO NOT COUNT MUNCHING GRASS.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>HORSE ONE</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hey!</i>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A STARTLED “HORSE TWO” ROUSES FROM HIS REVERIE.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>HORSE TWO</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“</i>Huh-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what</i>?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Did I wake you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“I was munching grass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You can’t munch grass when you’re sleeping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What am I, a <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">‘Sleep Muncher’?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“You sure <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">looked</i>
like you were sleeping.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“I was meditating.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Meditating?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s
that?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You go into “Deep Grazing Mode”, and just “zone out.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can do it for hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then a fly lands on me, and I’m back.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I was ruminating.””<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You mean, like thinking?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Yeah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was just
thinking.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“That sounds like a big waste of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know what the great horse-philosopher
George Bernard Rick<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">shaw</i> Puller once
said:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">‘Ruminating is a good graze spoiled.’”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Hey, do you ever think about ‘The Time’?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“No.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Never?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“What’s the point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
happened, and it’s done.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Y’know everything changed because of ‘The Time.’”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
INVOLUNTARILY, “HORSE TWO” SIGHS NOSTALGICALLY.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Once we ran wild and free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then someone jumped on our backs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And for two thousand years, they rode us around.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“So you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i> think
about it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“It is not helpful, but occasionally, yes, I do.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Why did he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i>
that?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Who?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“The ancient ‘Two-Legger’ who jumped on our ancestor’s back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems like a crazy thing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you ever jumped on anyone’s back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i>
haven’t.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Legend has it that they were kidding around, and we were
grazing nearby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You</i> know what happens when you’re grazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are not fully alert.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You’re</i> not fully
alert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I graze, and keep looking
around.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“For new places to graze.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for danger
as well. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A horse can divide his attention.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Well that horse did not. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And before he knew it, there was this bizarre
‘Foreign Body’ sitting on his back, kicking him in the ribs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On a reflex he just started to run.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“By the time he got tired, they’d gone so far, the amazed
onlookers could barely make out where they were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These people aren’t stupid, even though they
can only grow two legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did an
immediate calculation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How long would it
take them to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">walk</i> that far? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And how long would it take them ‘on horseback’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seeing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">one</i>
way was much faster, they said,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“From now on, we <i>ride</i>!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“‘The Beginning of the End.’” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Later, they cinched saddles on us, and stuffed ‘bits’ in
our mouths.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“ Now <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there’s</i> a misnomer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">should</i>
call them <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">‘lots</i>.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“You know the phrase, ‘ That thing could choke a
horse’?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That comes from ‘bits!’ <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“A bad thing for mouth-breathing horses.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to
breathe <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">around</i> them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“Hey, can we talk about something else?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, even better, nothing at all?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Too upsetting, huh?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;">“No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Earl’s
tired.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You graze and
I’ll ruminate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it’s healthy to
talk about this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll do more tomorrow,
okay?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
NO RESPONSE FROM “HORSE TWO”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red;">“Okay?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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“HORSE ONE” LOOKS, SEES “HORSE TWO” ALREADY IN NEDITATIVE “GRAZE.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: red;">“Boy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he goes,
he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">goes</i>.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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OUR SAGA OF ANIMALS WITH TOUGH LIVES WHO ARE NOT EATEN
THOUGH OCCASIONALLY THEY ARE CONTINUES.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-60862922617862192922020-01-07T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-07T04:00:00.145-08:00"Help"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Knowing this one won’t
make me look good, I shall keep it brief to diminish the vitriol.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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During the holidays, we received solicitations in the mail,
asking for money to fight terrible diseases.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I mean lots of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both
terrible diseases, and solicitations for money.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Unable to contribute to all of them – or maybe <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">abl</i>e, but come on – we have to decide
which of these vital charities to support, and which to slip into the recycling
bin.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How do we decide?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is disgusting, but here goes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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First, I think,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Which terrible diseases do <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i> have?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I contribute to those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who wants to be in the situation where it’s<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You can’t help me?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“No.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why not?”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“Charitable contributions fell short.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next, you think,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Which terrible diseases do the people who are near and dear
to me have?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I contribute to those.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Partly because it’s the right thing to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And partly because you do not want to have loved ones read in your eyes<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He did nothing to help me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last, involves the “Regret Calculation” which goes,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Which charity can I ignore and feel the least amount of
regret when I do so?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which means nothing for “Psoriasis.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although, judging from television, this a
bigger problem than I imagined.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Speaking of television, ardent solicitations for help invade mindless entertainment on a regular basis. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sad dogs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sick children.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sick children from Africa.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We respond to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mailed</i>
requests for money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ones on TV, I
would have to say, never.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I sit before my TV, body tensed on “Precautionary Alert.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The moment I see a big-eyed dog with snow on
its lashes…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m gone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Have you no heart,
Earlo?”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know how that sounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a worthy cause.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> these causes are
worthy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are no “Help the Wealthy” requests.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We need eight hundred dollars to get to a billion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please help us ‘over the top’.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We do not get those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Though I imagine they would come in beautiful envelopes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No excuses – because there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> no excuses – but maybe if they weren’t so painfully manipulative,
trying to make me feel guilty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fundraisers must think that these heart-wringing appeals
make us reach for our checkbooks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can’t believe I am alone in my coldhearted reaction.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I grab the remote.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-82412263508077415272020-01-06T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-06T04:00:02.542-08:00"--------------------"
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Watch the fool,
calibrating the dashes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two less.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One more.)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lunching at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Superba</i>
with Dr. M, where they serve one of my favorite dishes – chicken meatballs and
polenta.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is in fact… wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went back and added a dash.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it’s perfect.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, where was I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
yeah.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is in fact the reason we had chosen <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Superba</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had a hankering for chicken meatballs and polenta.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our tiny water glasses are filled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(More on those later.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Building the fulminating suspense.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dr. M orders.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then, politely waiting my turn, <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I order.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ll have the chicken meatballs and polenta.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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It is then I receive the heartbreaking report.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“We only serve chicken meatballs after four o’clock.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is now noon.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I reply what I think any reasonable person with a lifetime
in comedy would say.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“I’ll wait.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The waitress’s response is the above title of this blog
post.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“--------------------“<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Total silence. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Masking my disappointment concerning the meatballs, I had
made a salvaging joke.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the brutal reaction was…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Nothing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Not a smile.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Not a blink of confusion.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Not an exasperated grunt.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I’d have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">accepted</i>
an exasperated grunt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A frustrated roll of the eyes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The wryly disparaging <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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“We have a comedian in the house.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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All are demonstrably better than<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“--------------------“<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Was there a chance she hadn’t heard me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
had delivered it with confidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She just didn’t laugh.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dr. M deftly changes the subject by proposing an alternate
option from the menu – the “grain bowl with chicken.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which I begrudgingly accept.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that’s that.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Later (as previously promised) as the waitress filled them
for the fourth time, I told her that if they used larger water glasses, they
would not have to keep filling them up.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw her lips move, but coldly blew off her answer.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ll wait” was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">funny</i>,
dammit!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am adding a
dash.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, too much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-6207259978985294062020-01-03T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-03T04:00:06.870-08:00"An Unjust (Yet Powerful) Resentment"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will say this straight out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hate wealthier people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Adding immediately, “Although I have met numerous nice ones
in my time.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The thing is, I don’t actually hate them as people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just hate how much more money they have than I do.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Galling Example (and inciting incident for this post):<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Watching the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Major
League Baseball Channel</i>, I hear learned discussions of what it would take for
teams to procure premium, available “free agents.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A hundred and twelve million. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three hundred and eight million.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Superstar Mike Trout signed a long-term contract for four
hundred and<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
thirty million.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My brain is starting to explode.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are talking like it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Monopoly </i>money.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Two hundred million,
plus Ventor Avenue and Reading Railroad.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don’t get me wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am not saying these top players don’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deserve</i>
those astronomical contracts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the
“free market” – that’s how things work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Besides, whatever they make, I know the team owners make more. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of whom are in real estate, where the
question of “deserving’s” a more salient concern.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I bought the building for eight, I sold it for nine,
re-bought it for ten, re-sold it for twelve, re-bought it for fourteen, re-sold
it for sixteen, re-bought it for eighteen, re-sold it for twenty.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add the word “billion” to those figures and the guy made seven
billion dollars selling the same building four times. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is not entirely made up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard a guy named Kerkorian bought and sold
the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">MGM Studios</i> multiple times. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does anyone care?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
have been schooled to ignore such shenanigans because it’s “Business.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I was sick the day they taught that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(That sounds a bit smug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I make no claim to “moral superiority.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s just, there are “cultural nutrients” my body seems unable to
assimilate.)<br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So yes, some lines of work, you wonder, “How do get to buy
sports teams, doing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This, however, is not what I am talking
about. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, it’s not about what money can buy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s about the money itself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not the disparity, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">per
se</i>.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More the “They have it, and I don’t.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me put this in context so I sound loftier, not just
unfathomably petty.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Historically, the envy of those with more is comparatively
new.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the word “class” actually had meaning, traditional “Blue
Bloods” had “Blue Bloods” status, including, among other “perks”, mountainous “Blue
Bloods”-type money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regular people had pennies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In that age-old arrangement, there is nothing to be envious
about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were what you were, and you
weren’t what you weren’t. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A “low born”
could marry into “Blue Bloods”, I suppose, but nothing was passed you anything
at dinner, and they ignored you at parties.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bound by immutable distinction, there is nobody to hate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unless they squeezed the peasants for taxes
to refurbish the moat. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then you take to
the forest and practiced your archery.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Otherwise, it’s “They’re them and we’re us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Move on.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Remember the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Holy
Grail</i> line, “He must be a nobleman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He doesn’t have shit on him”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was delineations like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i>.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Flash Forward to Capitalism.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When all the “Blue Bloods” designations are erased and it
becomes simply about money – acknowledging racial and cultural impediments I am
speaking generically, leaving gaping exceptions in my argument – still, theoretically
at least, when it is exclusively about money, there is no acceptingly “Knowing
your place” because, in this alternate setup, there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> no “place.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In our culture, where the barring barriers of class having
been removed, money – theoretically, again – is available to anyone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Raising the question,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why don’t I have more?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or, turning it around so I don’t feel so terrible,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why don’t they have less?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean, if there are no barriers,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What’s the problem?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It gets worse.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In “The Protestant Ethic”, I once learned, worldly prosperity
affirms a “Select Status” by the Almighty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Seeing others with more, I hear the Lord proclaiming,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Not you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And there it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The super-rich reflect <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
just “My pile is bigger than your pile”, which is annoying enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their thriving existence denotes a Divine
apathy towards <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i>.<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No wonder I hate them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-26232745555289750192020-01-02T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-02T04:00:27.811-08:00"Musical Interludes 4"I know I'm back from Hawaii, but I wanted to include the fourth selection of the songs I chose for my one-hour special, perhaps the greatest of them all.<br />
<br />
No "perhaps." It <i>is</i>.<br />
<br />
I remember receiving the album<i> Pearl</i>, and playing this particular song from it over and over, which I had never done with any song ever before, except for the <i>Peter Gunn</i> theme song.<br />
<br />
I thought, "If I ever get a one-hour special on <i>CBC Radio </i>I want this song included on that show."<br />
<br />
I actually never thought that. Because I never though I'd get a one-hour special on <i>CBC Radio</i>.<br />
<br />
But then I did.<br />
<br />
And on it went.<br />
<br />
Check it out.<br />
<br />
And like <i>Lays Potato Chips </i>challenge<i>, </i>I bet you can't listen to it <i>once</i>.<br />
<br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oHkBv-AtKDA" width="560"></iframe>
Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-56273858278161088912020-01-01T04:00:00.000-08:002020-01-01T04:00:00.212-08:002020The year, not the TV show.<br />
<br />
The campaign is beginning.<br />
<br />
And I think about Trump voters.<br />
<br />
What do they tell their children?<br />
<br />
"Be like him"?<br />
<br />
If not, how do they enforce moral standards on children they ignore in the man running the country?<br />
<br />
The election is coming.<br />
<br />
Cross your fingers, and hope for the best.<br />
<br />
Happy New Year.<br />
<br />
Who knows?<br />
<br />
I <i>could</i> be all right.<br />
<br />
Did that sound positive?<br />
<br />
Okay. I am working on it.<br />
<br />
<br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-70186597894534090712019-12-31T04:00:00.000-08:002019-12-31T04:00:05.663-08:00"Musical Interlude 3"I threw in a Bette Midler.<br />
<br />
I think it was "You Gotta Have Friends."<br />
<br />
I don't know why I chose that.<br />
<br />
It's not my favorite Bette Midler.<br />
<br />
And I'm not sure about the premise.<br />
<br />
I mean, its <i>nice</i> to have friends.<br />
<br />
But, I don't know, you "gotta"?<br />
<br />
My all-tine Bette Milder is John Prine's "Hello in There."<br />
<br />
So, fixing a mistake I made in 1972...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oq51a-wyPnw?controls=0" width="560"></iframe>Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-42470628522629728612019-12-30T04:00:00.001-08:002019-12-30T04:00:02.703-08:00"Musical Interludes 2"This is another song that was included in my one-hour special aired on<i> CBC Radio</i> sometime in the early seventies. Before 1974, because after that I was here. Starting on April the twelfth. (I just mistakenly typed "<i>Startling</i> on April the twelfth." I guess because it was startling I got here.<br />
<br />
I have loved Randy Newman since the beginning. But he was not popular is Canada. When I went to <i>Sam The Record Man </i>and asked, "Do you have the new Randy Newman album", they said no, and, as if any Randy would do, they said, "We have Randy Bachman." (Who I believe is from Winnipeg.)<br />
<br />
I somehow finally got the album. And numerous albums after that. (I was at the concert where he introduced both "Short People" and "Rednecks." That was some explosive to-do.)<br />
<br />
I like a lot of Randy Newman songs.<br />
<br />
But this is the one that I chose.<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EqBrw3rQvKo" width="560"></iframe>Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-8723053668886643012019-12-27T04:00:00.000-08:002019-12-27T04:00:12.878-08:00"Musical Interlude"When I worked for<i> CBC Radio, </i>writing and performing three-minute sketches that were inserted into other shows, my producer surprised me one day by asking me if I wanted to do a one-hour special, showcasing my work.<br />
<i><br /></i>
I immediately said yes. Not only because I <i>wanted </i>a one-hour special showcasing my work, but because the work was already competed and there was no more for me to do.<br />
<i><br /></i>
Talk about your "No Brainer."<br />
<i><br /></i>
Also included in that one-hour special were a number of songs. Although none of them were sung or written by me, they were selected because they felt something <i>like</i> me. Which is, I guess, natural because I picked them.<br />
<i><br /></i>
As a kind of "Musical Interlude" on this blog, I present as many of those songs as I can find, for your holiday listening enjoyment. I think they still fit.<br />
<br />
Let's start with this one.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i> </i>
<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8lLE5Qfdy2E" width="560"></iframe>Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7823625636675642409.post-61365253431467001112019-12-26T04:00:00.000-08:002019-12-26T04:00:07.482-08:00"I Once Met A Princess - The Untold Story"<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Wherein readers learn
the blogger had no natural proclivity for screenwriting.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It all seemed clichéd.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet, on some murmuring level, it felt like a movie.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Being unable to pull such a thing off, I never gave it a
try.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Working at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Harrod’s</i>,
I ran into a princess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(<u>See</u>: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My Single Brush With Royalty</i>, posted,
most recently, last December 23<sup>rd</sup>.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had helped her with her parcels, and we had ignitingly hit it off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to turn down her tip, but she
insisted I take it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt personally
offended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But deep down, I may have
hopefully preferred this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Written as screenplay
bullet points:<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The princess and the toy wrapper head in separate directions,
she for the exit, he, back to “Toy-Wrapping Hell.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Suddenly she stops, turns back to him and
says,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Excuse me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you
like to spend Christmas in my country?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That sounds like a
movie, doesn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Opposites attract”,
and off we go? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Insert “Opening Titles”
right here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But then, then what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stuff I make up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which, when I </i>do<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> it feels… made up.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A personal jet awaits at the airport.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The princess reports, “There will be two of
us.”<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Followed by a nodding,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Very good, mum.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Though they really mean “Ma’am.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Comedy ensues, as I take my first “Luxury Flight.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We arrive in Luxembourg.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Glistening snow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twinkling lights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rosy-cheeked kids, filled with Yuletide
excitement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Can you feel the
clichés?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have turned an actual place
into a Christmas card painting.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I meet the King (having decided “No wife”), a doting Dad,
used to his daughter bringing how “strays.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I meet the country’s Prime Minister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Obsequiously clever, but ‘dark’.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This is the first time
– though hardly the last – that I consider removing myself from the picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Must all movie Prime Ministers be “obsequiously
clever but ‘dark’”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They do in <u>my</u>
movies. </i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am ushered to my room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Blazing wood-burning fireplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Canopied
four-poster bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fresh-baked shortbread
in a castle-shaped cookie jar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The room
is fit for a king… except I’m sure the real king has a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">better</i> room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">he</i> gets.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next day, we go skiing, hi-jinx assured, it being my
first time on the slopes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone laughs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
like me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am silly and unserious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We share walks and talks through the sumptuous surroundings,
me, because I can’t help myself, noting the disparity between what regular
people experience “… and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>.” (a
scene sure to be edited out of the picture.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christmas Eve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All is
calm, all is bright.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I overhear clandestine chatter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sounds like the P.M. and his cronies are
up to no good.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Like we didn’t see </i><u>that</u>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">coming!”)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I alert the princess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She insists I have undoubtedly misunderstood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though I can tell she’s concerned.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
More fun in the snow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>ME</u>: (Brandishing snowball)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Are you sure I can do this?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>PRINCESS</u>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Bring it on, commoner!” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lavish dinners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
princess shows me how to eat escargot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>(Which I secrete into my napkin.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I forget the “intrigue”, my mind abuzz with “How did I get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">here</i>?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the Royal New Year’s Eve Gala, there is an “accident”,
explained as a “fireworks snafu.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Recalling <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Three Amigos</i>, I tell
the endangered princess, “This is real.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The princess immediately alerts her father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Angrily summoned, the wily Prime Minister
talks his way out of it, promising to “round up the usual suspects.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Okay, I’m tired, and
pretty much really fed up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Really?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stooping to “Casablanca”?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to stop this before the King’s
locked in the dungeon, the bristling princess, confined to her quarters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I regret not reaching
the point, where, I inject myself into the action, rallying the populace, who
rise up against “Evil”, restoring the monarchy (after promises of meaningful
reform), and all’s right with the world.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s terrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well at least I have spared you, and myself, the
scene delving into “The Relationship.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is it a “friendship”, or has it gradually blossomed into “more”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were there “misconstrued signals” involved… Yikes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am totally unsuited for this work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to mention the historical nonsense I have
contrived.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do I know about
Luxembourg?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Is it still even a place?)<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Here’s the thing.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What happened between
me and the princess actually happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This ridiculous foolishness did <u>not</u>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Although now that I
think about it, the original story feels real, because it is. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maybe </i><u>that</u><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> could be a movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Let’s see now…<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue;"><i>“Earl, stop!”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You’re right,
“Internalized Conscience.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’ll just stick to my
game.</i> <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Earl Pomerantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16963705121297866334noreply@blogger.com1