"THe Moving Maui Medicine Show"

When on vacation, at a certain age, you take a whole pharmacy along with you.

(Or the seeming equivalent thereof.  Minus the lottery tickets and “Greeting Cards.”)

On our recent excursion to Maui, my regular pill regimen was augmented by part-time prescriptions for passing proclivities.

(Check out all of those “p’s!”)

Not only does that mean there is more to pack.  It means added attention to schedules and instructions:

One pill is “Every six hours.”  (With food.)

Another’s “Four times a day.”  (Without food.)

A third one is “Twice Daily, Up Your Nose.” 

It is (fortunately) a nose spray.

This rigorous routine not only means remembering when to take them.  It also means, considering the first two, carrying them around, so that, when I am slated to take them , I do not have to run back to the room eight times.  (As they must not overlap,)

That’s a lot of running back to the room.

Then, besides packing those added medicaments, there are the pills I take regularly every day, most of them in the morning but a couple of them at night.  Each set is stored in a day-delineating plastic pill case, the “A.M.” one, due to its greater content requirements, larger than the “P.M.”

Then,

“There’s another ‘then”?”

Last one, I promise.

Then there are the supplements, prescribed not by M.D.’, but suggested instead – because they work for them – by long-time acquaintances.  One recommendation comes from my piano teacher, another’s from my pilates instructor, and one’s from a former gym trainer who reputedly took drugs.

Hey , I listen to everyone!

Recently, however, to somewhat lighten the load I have taken to forgetting the supplements and packing only the “necessities.”

It’s like I believe in those things at home.  But when I’m away, I subscribe to what my cousin Allan’s father told him when he asked, “What do vitamins do?” and he said, “Make money for the company.”

It’s like Jews who eat pork, but just “out.”

I take vitamins, but just “in.”

Why do I take anything?

Well I guess it’s like this.

Somebody once asked me, “How are you doing?” and I said,

“I am ‘living on borrowed pills.’”  (As in, “I am ‘living on borrowed time.’”  Although if you have to explain them…)

I don’t know if that’s true, “I am ‘living on borrowed pills.’”

But just in case.

I like bringing them along.